48 Case Studies 38: The Sinning Victim

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Mable recently discovered that her husband, Biff, has been living in adultery for over five years. The shocking revelation came after she found a bar receipt in his wallet, which led to confrontation, further investigation, and confirmation of the affair.

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Mable is deeply hurt, angry, and unwilling to forgive. Each time the topic of adultery arises, she breaks down in tears, overwhelmed by the betrayal. Yet, she also humbly acknowledges her pattern of nagging, disrespect, and a lack of encouragement toward Biff throughout their 15-year marriage. While Biff’s adultery is a grievous sin for which he bears full responsibility, the broader struggles in their marriage do not arise in isolation.

Biff expresses genuine remorse, a willingness to repent, and a desire to work toward reconciliation. However, Mable remains mostly focused on her role as the victim, unable or unwilling to consider how her sin patterns contributed to the relational dynamics over the years.

As their counselor, you face the delicate and potentially volatile task of addressing Mable’s justified hurt and anger while helping her see the need for self-reflection and active repentance. The challenge is to balance compassion for her suffering with a call to evaluate her actions and pursue biblical restoration.

Case Study Questions

1. At what point in the counseling do you bring up her sinfulness in the marriage?
2. How do you walk her through being sinned against versus her guilt that contributed to the adultery?
3. How does the gospel speak specifically and practically to her hurt and her guilt?
4. What do you think is at the core of her self-righteous attitude that motivated her to be a discouragement to her husband?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).