Marriage Day 7: No More Condemnation

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Life Over Coffee Devotions

• 31-Day Marriage Devotion
• 31-Day Parenting Devotion
• 31-Day Young Adult Devotion

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

• How honest can you be with your spouse?
• Is your marriage vulnerable and safe enough to communicate transparently?
• Are you free from critique and condemnation, which releases you to be vulnerable?

A good way to consider my questions is to reflect upon how you relate to the Lord. I suspect you are honest, transparent, and vulnerable with Him. You freely talk to Him (prayer), and He freely talks to you (Bible). He knows you through and through, and though your relationship is not perfect, you are in a safe place as you mature with Him. Because of your call to imitate God, you have a remarkable opportunity to export your relationship with the Lord to your spouse (Ephesians 5:1; Philippians 4:9). Think for a moment about what it could look like if you chose to imitate God in your marriage. Let’s focus on only one of the ways God relates to you: He does not condemn you. God never condemns, mocks, criticizes, or puts you down when you share your heart with Him (Ephesians 4:29). He is always ready to listen and willing to help. The Father knows your frame and understands your weaknesses. He encourages you by speaking into your various situations with love (Psalm 103:12-14).

• I’m sure you understand and appreciate this characteristic of the Lord, but how does it work out in your marriage?
• Have you ever put something out there for your spouse to hear, only to quickly retract it because unkindness and disinterest met your moment of transparency?
• Have you both created pockets of silence in your marriage because it’s easier not to speak to each other than to enter into an arduous conversation?

Many couples are like this. They are more free on social media or with their friends than with their spouses. They have forgotten this core tenet of the gospel: Christ has removed our condemnation. If you have lost that gospel edge, it is time to reclaim your relational regression by asking God to redeem your marriage. You and your spouse are not static beings; you’re always moving in one direction or the other. Either you are drifting apart, or you are intentionally pressing into each other. If you are drifting from each other, it will only grow worse. You will fill your pockets of silence with other things like children, work, hobbies, and even church. The key to restoring your marriage to gospel priorities begins by using your tongue for redemptive purposes rather than destructive ones (Ephesians 4:29). Christ came to transform lives, and we are supposed to be on His transformation team. Are you? The first place to begin restoring lives is with those closest to you. That person is your spouse.

Time to Reflect

As you think through the condemnation aspects of your marriage, the questions below can apply to either of you.

1. When your spouse shares their heart with you, is your posture inviting and desirous to learn more?
2. Are you quick to give an answer, or are you quick to listen while asking clarifying questions so you can understand (James 1:19)?
3. How often do you ask your spouse about their secret thoughts? Do you seek to explore them with your spouse appropriately?
4. Do you see your spouse as an inexhaustible discovery to be enjoyed or as an exhausting human being?
5. Do your spouse’s weaknesses get on your nerves? How are you discipling your spouse through those weaknesses?

Practical Suggestion

Share the answers to these questions with your spouse. Be specific and practical when sharing any areas where you need to change with your spouse. You should write down your thoughts before you have this discussion. Ask the Father to give you the clarity you need to self-assess and communicate well with your spouse.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).