Parenting Day 5: The Orientation Of The Home

Photo: ©Albert Shakirov from Getty Images via Canva.com

Life Over Coffee Devotions

• 31-Day Marriage Devotion
• 31-Day Parenting Devotion
• 31-Day Young Adult Devotion

Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12).

Jesus was clear when He said you must follow Him if you want to walk in the light. The opposite is also true: if you do not follow Him, the only option is darkness, as you follow someone or something else. Every relational construct has followers and leaders, which begs the question, who is the leader of your home?

After a lot of living and a good bit of failing, I have learned that my family cannot trust me to be the spiritual leader of our home. This truth is no secret to any of us. I had proven my inability to lead well and had put my sin on display in our home too many times. I needed to acknowledge what my family already knew about me and why someone else must be in charge of our home. They needed to know that someone more capable than me would spiritually lead us. Anything that replaces Christ as the leader of your home is idolatry. God replacements suck the spiritual life out of what should be a vibrant God-centered home. The first step in orienting your home to God is to speak about what needs to change. You will not be able to do this without the humbling power of the gospel working in the hearts of the parents and children. The two most common problems in the disoriented home are child-centered families and the passive husband.

• Child-Centered: Some families make their children the centerpiece of the home. Everything revolves around them. The typical mom in a child-centered home can spend ten to fifteen years in a minivan serving the activity-centered child. These kids can become increasingly self-centered as life revolves around their social and activity preferences. Many of these children rarely learn humility, respect, or submission. They typically do not love God or others as much as they love themselves because their parents have not prioritized those two truths.
• Passive Husband: The spiritually passive man is another common problem in a disoriented family. The stagnant male leader in the home is where the wife takes more of the spiritual leadership role, while the man is preoccupied with other things that align with his self-centered preferences. Perhaps he has no template for what a male leader should be or no values for what male leadership should be. Regardless, the passive husband’s home is an upside-down family.

If your home’s orientation centers on the wrong person or incorrect things, please understand that there is no way to correct the problems unless the husband and wife are willing to talk about the disorientation and make a practical plan to reorient their family so Christ is leading it. If it is impossible to talk about these things—for whatever reason—I appeal to you to find someone who can walk you through the problems. The disoriented home rarely auto-corrects; if it continues, the inevitable fallout will break your heart.

Time to Parent

Who would you say is the point person in your home? Who is spiritually leading your family? If the Lord is not the leader, consider why it is not happening. Here are a few things to reflect upon:

1. Do you know what it looks like for Christ to lead the family? Please discuss this.
2. Is the husband regularly encouraged to lead the family? If not, why not?
3. Is the wife willing to submit to her husband’s leadership? If not, why not?
4. Do you have a child-centered home and don’t know how to change it? Please explain.
5. Will you begin the process of talking about how everyone can submit to Christ as the spiritual leader of your home? When will you start, and what is your plan?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).