Ep. 501 Eight Essentials For an Exceptional Small Group Experience

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Shows Main Idea – Being part of a small group can be a rewarding experience, or it can be the most challenging part of your week. A thriving small group doesn’t happen by accident—it requires clear direction, purposeful engagement, and intentional equipping. Each member plays a role, but without a well-thought-out plan, the group may struggle.

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• Ten Vital Keys for Small Group Leaders
• How To Have a Dynamic Small Group Experience
• How to Build and Enjoy a Dynamic Community Life

Introduction

As you start this book, I want to help you assess your small group experience. Whether you lead a group or simply participate, this eight point diagnostic will provide insight into where your group stands. If you’ve never been in a small group or are considering joining or starting one, these principles will guide you. I’ll walk you through eight essential components of a robust small group, each with a brief explanation and a question for reflection. I encourage you to discuss your responses with a friend, reinforcing these principles in both your life and your group.

1—What is your group’s purpose? Is it a Bible study? If so, study the Bible. If its purpose is to transform lives, make sure everyone knows it’s a sanctification group. For this book, I’m working under the assumption that the purpose of your small group is the biblical transformation of the members in the group—what I’m calling a sanctification group.

• Question: What is the purpose of your group? Does everyone know the purpose of your group? If it is a sanctification group, there are three ways to measure this:
  • They come prepared to change themselves.
  • The conversation is about how each person can change.
  • Your post-meeting connections during the week continue the process of change.

2—Learn to share incrementally. Most participants in a sanctification group are insecure about sharing the details of their lives. Openly sharing is not a call to blurt out the worst facts about yourself the first night you’re in the group, but if you want to change, you must be willing to reveal more and more of yourself to the other members.

• Question: Is your group an environment of grace that makes sharing your life with others compelling? Are you holding back from sharing the story God is writing in your life? If so, why are you doing so?

3—You need the Bible, plus. Don’t fall into the trap that says the Bible is all you need to change. If the Bible were all you needed, the Ethiopian would not have been perplexed in Acts 8 as he was reading his Bible. If the Bible is all you need, there would be no need for teachers of the Bible. If the Bible were all you needed, there would not be all the “one another” commands in the New Testament. The issue here is not about minimizing God’s Word but maximizing the community of faith that is called to come alongside each other to help work the Word of God deep into one another’s souls.

• Question: Do you know how to bring the Bible to bear on your most recurring sin problem? Do you know how to walk a member of your small group through their recurring struggle?

4—Application of the gospel requires effort. We tend to be lazy when it comes to messy, hardcore sanctification problems. It’s easier to read the Bible in a silo than work it out in a community, i.e., marriage and family. Burden bearing is not a job for the lazy person.

• Question: Are you genuinely interested in the struggles of those in your small group? Hebrews 10:24-25 talks about considering one another. How do you consider those in your group?

5—Sanctification is dangerous. Once you open the sanctification can of worms in an individual’s life, all bets are off. Your relationship can go to some challenging places, which is why people are tempted to bury their noses in the Bible, hoping the moment of transparency passes them by. It’s less dangerous than opening your heart about a recurring struggle. It is even possible to use the Bible (or any other book) to hide in plain sight of your small group. However, intentional biblical sanctification is a wholly different matter that is intrusive and life-changing.

• Question: Do you use anything as a shield to keep from revealing your true self to others? The Bible? Other books? Too much talking? A quietness that dares others to approach you? Do you keep the conversation shallow?

6—Don’t fall into the nugget-ology trap. We can minimize God’s work in our lives when we talk about “what God taught me today.” What if that is not the whole truth about our week? We can hide our sanctification garbage under the nugget of the day—the meme we read on social media or heard during the Sunday sermon.

• Question: Is the motive of what you share in the group to reveal more and more of yourself because you want others to know you so they can come alongside you to help you change?

7—Ignorance may play a role. Stated simply, we don’t know any better. “This is how we’ve always done it.” The gospel never changes, but we must change, or our religion will go stale. Progressive sanctification is progressive transformation. Christ wants us to learn the Bible facts and then learn how to apply those facts to our lives practically. This means as we grow, we will change our understanding and practice. We cannot become stale like the Pharisees, who disdained change. If you want to be in a safe place, you might work hard to keep from changing. True refuge (safety) is in Christ and His body, where we’re all knitted together, nourished by Him, and nourishing one another for His fame and our maturity.

• Question: How is the practical gospel transforming you and your relationships? The gospelized person has nothing to protect, nothing to hide, and nothing to fear. For freedom, He has set us free (Galatians 5:1).

8—Refrain from the magic Bible approach. “If you just read it, you will change.” While that is true—to a degree—it is not true if you want sustained and comprehensive change. Yes, there is passive obedience (sit and soak), but there is active obedience, too: be doers of the Word; work out what God is working in you. The mystical approach may make you feel better because you shared some Bible facts with a friend, but that does not change you in all the ways you could change.

• Question: What does active obedience look like in your small group, particularly how you are actively engaging your friends at the core of their souls?

Call to Action

No matter your role in a small group, will you take the time to answer these questions?

1. If you are a leader, will you share what insights you gained with the person overseeing you? Take the opportunity to evaluate your group’s maturity, identify areas for growth, and establish a clear, actionable plan for change.
2. If you are a member, will you discuss this content with your small group leader? Consider how you can contribute to the group’s growth by assessing its current state and what steps are necessary for meaningful progress to deeper maturity.
3. Leaders, I encourage you to introduce these essentials to your group, fostering open discussions, appealing to them to become part of your group’s sanctification rhythm.

I hope that as you read on, your understanding and practice of small group dynamics will deepen, and your conversations will become richer. We were never meant to grow alone—sanctification happens in a community. May this book be a resource you return to often as you pursue a thriving, Christ-centered small group.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).