Parenting Models

Let’s explore a biblical parenting model using Paul’s concepts of nurturing and admonition. I’ll use “structure” for admonition and “support” for nurture. This model covers a child’s journey from birth to adulthood, emphasizing the transition from dependence to independence under God’s authority.

Biblical Parenting Model

Age 0-5: Heavy Structure

• Support: Basic needs, love, security.
• Structure: Clear rules, consistent discipline.

During the early years, children are entirely dependent and need firm parameters. They require guidance and protection as they begin to learn right from wrong.

Age 6-10: Gradual Increase in Support

• Support: More teaching, encouragement, moral instruction.
• Structure: Continued clear rules, but with explanations.

As children grow, they start to understand the world better. While maintaining structure, parents should increase nurturing through education and moral teachings.

Age 11-15: Balanced Structure and Support

• Support: More autonomy, critical thinking skills, responsibility.
• Structure: Adjust rules to be age-appropriate, more discussions.

In pre-adolescence, the goal is to balance structure and support, gradually giving more responsibility while maintaining necessary boundaries.

Age 16-20: Increased Support, Decreased Structure

• Support: Guidance, mentoring, preparation for independence.
• Structure: Fewer rules, more trust, and accountability.

As teenagers approach adulthood, parents should focus on mentorship, guiding them to make wise decisions independently. The aim is to transition from parental authority to recognizing God’s authority in their lives.

Legalistic Parenting Model

This model is characterized by excessive structure and minimal support, resulting in fear-based parenting. Children remain under stringent rules and often rebel once they gain independence, potentially leading to a hedonistic lifestyle.

Lax Parenting Model

Here, there is minimal structure and excessive indulgence. Children do not learn self-discipline and may also turn to hedonism due to a lack of guidance and boundaries.

Licentious to Legalistic Parenting Model

Parents initially spoil their children but later swing to strict discipline upon realizing their mistake. This abrupt change can confuse children, leading to rebellion or compliance out of fear rather than understanding.

Legalistic to Lax Parenting Model

Initially strict parents might feel guilty or be manipulated by their children into easing off rules, resulting in inconsistent parenting. This inconsistency can foster resentment and confusion.

Double-Minded Parenting Model

This model is unpredictable, varying between laxity and strictness based on the parent’s mood. Such inconsistency breeds confusion and instability, often leading to rebellious behavior.

Conclusion

The biblical parenting model, with a balanced approach of structure and support, fosters a gradual transition from dependence to independence under God’s authority. Heavy structure in the early years shifts to more support and guidance as children grow, preparing them to live under God’s authority as mature adults. In contrast, other models often result in instability, rebellion, and a drift towards hedonism. The goal is to nurture and admonish children in a way that aligns with biblical principles, ensuring they step out into the world with a strong foundation in faith and responsibility.