Time and Relationship

This graphic titled “Time and Relationship Priorities” offers a wise, biblically grounded framework for managing the people in your life and the time you give them. Without a plan like this, you will inevitably live reactively, pulled in all directions by needs, expectations, and pressure, and the people who should receive your best may end up receiving your leftovers.

Understanding the Relationship Map

The graphic is built around concentric circles with the individual in the center. Each ring radiating outward represents a decreasing level of intimacy and priority. Let’s walk through it using the example of Jesus’ earthly relationships as a model for how we can think about our own.

1: The Lord Jesus / God & You

At the very core is you and God. This is your most important relationship. It’s the source of your strength, wisdom, and stability. If this relationship is neglected, everything else suffers. Jesus constantly pulled away from people to pray and be with His Father (Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16). This tells us: saying “no” to others to say “yes” to God is not selfish; it’s essential.

2: Peter, James, John / Spouse

Your second circle includes the most intimate relationships on earth. For Jesus, this was His inner circle. For most of us, this will be our spouse (or a very close accountability relationship if single). This person should receive your most honest communication, your greatest care, and your intentional investment.

3: The Nine Apostles / Children

The next ring contains your children or immediate family. They may not be as intimately involved in your day-to-day emotional world as your spouse, but they are close observers of your life. They will learn (or unlearn) how to prioritize based on what you model.

4: Mary, Nicodemus, Zacchaeus / Friends

These are your trusted friends, mentors, or small group members, those who walk with you in truth but don’t share your household. They need regular but not constant access.

5:  Multitudes / Church

Here, we see the broader community: your local church body. These are people to serve, love, and invest in, but not everyone here can or should get the same access as those in the inner rings.

6: The Non-redeemed / Others

Finally, you’ll engage with the non-redeemed: co-workers, acquaintances, neighbors. They are important, but they must not run your calendar. They are not your primary responsibility.

The Principle of Prioritization

Time is limited. Needs are unlimited. If you don’t establish relational priorities, the wrong people will begin to dominate your time, and the right people—like your spouse or children—may feel neglected or unimportant. Worse still, your relationship with God may erode, leaving you spiritually dry and directionless.

Saying “no” to a need doesn’t mean you lack compassion. It means you have discernment. Jesus said no often. He walked away from the crowds, not because He didn’t love them, but because He loved His Father more. We must learn to say no for the right reasons, not just because we’re tired, but because we’ve rightly ordered our priorities.

Case Study: Mable’s Misplaced Priorities

Mable is a deeply involved church member, the kind every pastor loves. She volunteers in three ministries, leads a women’s Bible study, cooks meals for anyone in crisis, and stays late after services to help clean up. Her phone is always buzzing with prayer requests, project needs, or last-minute favors. She never says no.

But Mable is exhausted, emotionally frayed, and increasingly short with her husband Biff and teenage son Biffy. Her devotional life has shrunk to occasional verse-a-day moments, and she can’t remember the last time she sat still with the Lord without a task to complete. When Biff raises concerns, Mable dismisses him: “People need me. I’m just doing the Lord’s work.”

The truth? Mable’s busyness is not about godliness; it’s about being needed. Her identity has become tied to her usefulness. She’s not functioning from a place of gospel-centered love but from fear and self-importance. The subtle idol of approval has displaced her discernment.

A Path Forward

When Mable meets with a biblical counselor, they walk through this relationship map. Her counselor gently asks:

• “How much time do you spend in quiet communion with God each day?”
• “When was the last time you went on a date with your husband?”
• “Do your son and husband feel like they matter to you, not just in words, but in time?”

These questions begin to expose Mable’s disordered priorities. Together, they construct a new plan:

• Daily time with the Lord becomes non-negotiable.
• She resigns from two ministries.
• She commits to weekly time with Biff, and focused mother-son time with Biffy.
• She creates healthy parameters around church service.

Through this process, Mable learns: saying no isn’t failure; it’s faithfulness. By ordering her relationships as Jesus did, she starts to experience joy, peace, and deeper impact, not because she’s doing more, but because she’s loving well in the right places.

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Peace,
Rick