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The antidote to the kind of self-centered thinking and destructive behavior that Bert displayed in his marriage is not found in better communication techniques, modern relationship strategies, or psychological insight. While those things might offer temporary relief or an external polish, they do not address the heart of the issue. The true solution lies in a return to the foundational truths of Scripture regarding marriage; truths that are not only divinely authored but also divinely powerful in transforming lives. We must return to the beginning, to the design that God Himself established before sin ever entered the world. Genesis provides the blueprint.
“And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).
This foundational verse teaches us that both man and woman were created by God and made in His image. They were not random biological accidents or evolutionary accidents. A personal Creator handcrafted them. Moreover, their gender distinctions were intentional. God created them male and female—equal in worth and dignity, yet distinct in roles and functions. This distinction was not the result of culture, brokenness, or history; it was God’s perfect design from the start. When we forget or distort this truth, our marriages suffer. Bert did not see his wife as an image-bearer of God, equal in dignity and created by design. He saw her as a functional extension of his desires, someone who existed to serve, support, and submit without question. The moment we lose sight of the imago Dei in our spouse, we begin to treat them as objects rather than sacred companions. The result is predictable: dehumanization, control, and eventual destruction.
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18).
Here we see another crucial truth: it was God who recognized that Adam’s aloneness was not good, instead of Adam. The initiative came from the Creator. Adam was not complaining, nor was he requesting a companion. It was God’s loving wisdom that designed marriage as the solution to man’s need for relational community. The word “helper” does not suggest inferiority. It is the same word used in other parts of the Old Testament to describe God as our help (e.g., Psalm 46:1). A helper is someone who supplies what is lacking, not someone of lesser value. The woman was created to complement the man, not a clone. She was not identical to him, but perfectly suited to him. This truth reveals the interdependence that defines a godly marriage. A husband and wife are not meant to compete or dominate, but to cooperate in fulfilling God’s purposes. Bert failed to understand this. His misuse of headship stemmed from viewing his wife as someone beneath him, rather than someone divinely placed beside him.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
This verse is the cornerstone of the biblical doctrine of marriage. It speaks to the covenantal nature of the union. Marriage is not a casual agreement; it is a sacred bond between one man and one woman, designed by God, sealed in a covenant, and intended to last for a lifetime. The language is strong: leave and cleave. Leaving speaks to the breaking of former primary relational ties (such as the parental home), and cleaving speaks to the formation of a new primary bond. It means holding fast, not letting go, binding oneself permanently to another. This union results in becoming “one flesh,” a mysterious and beautiful reality where two individuals are united emotionally, spiritually, and physically. This oneness is not a vague ideal; it is a real and God-ordained connection that requires intentionality, sacrifice, and humility to preserve. Bert’s pattern of domination, fear, and neglect was the opposite of cleaving. He was trying to control his wife, not unite with her. He failed to leave his father’s sinful template, and thus failed to cleave to Mildred as God designed.
“This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day when God created man, He made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female, and He blessed them and named them Man in the day when they were created” (Genesis 5:1-2).
This passage reiterates the foundational truth from Genesis 1, but it adds an important detail: God blessed them and gave them a name. Marriage is not only created by God, but he blesses it. The union between man and woman, when entered into under God’s authority and sustained by God’s grace, is a blessing to the couple, to their children, and their community. It reflects God’s heart, His order, and His character. Naming them “Man” (or “Mankind”) speaks to the unified identity of the human race—distinct persons, male and female, yet united in purpose under God’s design.
This vision of marriage is radically different from what we see in our culture and, sadly, in many Christian homes. A marriage made in heaven is not about control, personal gain, or power. It is about reflecting the love, unity, and glory of God. It is not about dominance or submission as power plays, but about mutual sacrifice under the headship of Christ. When God’s original design is rediscovered and pursued in humility, marriages can be restored—even ones that have long been marked by pain and dysfunction.
In conclusion, Bert’s transformation—and the transformation of any marriage—must begin with seeing marriage not through the lens of personal satisfaction or societal norms, but through the clear, powerful, and gracious lens of Scripture. A marriage made in heaven is a marriage lived on earth with heaven’s priorities at its center: God’s glory, God’s design, and God’s blessing.
Within these initial glimpses of God’s creative design, several remarkable truths are worth noting, each revealing something unique about how God chose to form and relate to humanity. Among them: man is created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27); it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18); marriage forms a one-flesh union (Genesis 2:24); and, intriguingly, God calls male and female by one name (Genesis 5:2). These statements, although simple on the surface, are deeply theological and worthy of extended meditation.
To begin, consider what it means that mankind was created in the image of God. Frankly, I must confess that this is a statement that still stretches the mind, and one for which we must proceed with caution and humility. Many have offered explanations, suggesting that to be made in God’s image means to possess characteristics that reflect His nature. These might include moral capacity, spiritual understanding, rational thought, creativity, a sense of justice, the ability to love, and the desire for relationship. I would not argue against any of these, as they seem to be consistent with what we observe both in Scripture and in nature. Paul’s words in Romans 1:20 remind us that the invisible attributes of God are revealed through the things that have been created. God’s fingerprints are evident in His creation, most of all in humanity.
Just as children resemble their parents in various ways, it is reasonable to believe that man, created by God, bears His marks. We call these communicable attributes—those qualities God shares with His image-bearers. However, caution must be exercised. We must not force these traits into a rigid framework, as though our finite minds could wrap fully around the infinite. While theological classification is helpful, when such categories become exhaustive and exclusive, they confine the majesty of God into manmade systems. The knowledge of God exceeds our reach. He is not beholden to our definitions. God transcends them.
A more fruitful approach might be to study Scripture with an open heart, allowing God to reveal Himself to us and, in turn, reveal more about ourselves. In doing so, we do not merely extract a list of traits we share with Him; instead, we engage in a lifelong pursuit of knowing Him and, in turn, seeing what He has reflected in us. This process is a relational dynamic. Each page of Scripture draws back another veil. The more we know God, the more we understand ourselves, because our identity is derived from Him, not from self-perception. That pursuit should cultivate reverence, not presumption.
Though marred by sin, we still reflect the image of God. While we no longer image Him perfectly, we are not stripped of the honor of bearing His likeness. Our fallen condition has distorted, but not destroyed, what God originally declared “very good.” It is as though we now look through a fogged mirror—recognizable but obscured. One of the key ways this image-bearing shows up is in the marriage relationship. Genesis 1:26 begins with a striking statement from God: “Let Us make man in Our image.” The plural form “Us” has led many to see an allusion to the Trinity. Then, in verse 27, Scripture says that God created man—“male and female He created them.” This duality within unity—two distinct persons, yet called “man”—carries theological weight.
We see this again in Genesis 5:2, where we are told, “He created them male and female, and He blessed them and named them Man in the day when they were created.” The term “Man” here is Adam, meaning humanity. Though there are two individuals, they are viewed as one. This view echoes the reality that male and female together more fully image God than either one alone. The implications of this truth speak directly to the meaning of marriage. The joining of husband and wife into one flesh is not just for companionship or procreation; it is a living, breathing picture of unity in diversity—a finite echo of the infinite communion of the Godhead.
This interpretation helps us better understand the mysterious declaration in Genesis 2:18: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” The issue was not mere isolation, and it certainly was not loneliness in the way we understand that word today. Rather, man alone could not adequately reflect the image of God. God is a relational Being, existing eternally in the perfect fellowship of Father, Son, and Spirit. One human being, standing alone, could not represent this relational nature. Therefore, God made a helper corresponding to him, completing the image-bearing capacity in the one-flesh union of marriage.
This creative work was not about meeting Adam’s emotional needs. He wasn’t a broken man in need of repair. He wasn’t suffering in the garden or longing for a companion. He lacked nothing in terms of divine fellowship. But God, in His wisdom, saw that His glory would be better reflected in two becoming one. Thus, He formed woman, not to complete man in a psychological sense, but to fulfill His divine design. In doing so, He taught us something about Himself: that unity, diversity, and relationship are not optional, but essential, to imaging our Creator.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
