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Mable’s Story: When Mable walked into her first counseling session, her demeanor radiated anxiety and sorrow. She was thirty-eight, the mother of two, and disillusioned with her once-hopeful union. “This is not what I planned,” she whispered, barely able to steady her voice. “We waited. We did everything right. We were friends before we were lovers. And now… I don’t even recognize him—or myself. I don’t know what went wrong.” Mable represents countless spouses who thought they had found a recipe for marital harmony, only to discover that technique without transformation will eventually fail. Her expectations, though perhaps sincere, were not grounded in a full understanding of God’s design for marriage.
Biff’s Story: In contrast, Biff was not confused; he was confident. “It’s simple,” he said. “If she would just stop nagging, we could be fine. I’m willing to do my part, but she’s always on my case. I didn’t sign up for this.” Biff’s clarity, however, did not spring from wisdom but from blame-shifting. He believed that a change in her would fix everything, revealing a marriage centered more on personal peace and comfort than mutual sanctification under God. He had the log and speck from Matthew 7:3-5 inverted. All he could see was the log in her eye, never realizing he had a giant redwood protruding from his eye socket. Whenever we fixate on the wrong of another, we have strayed from gospel solutions. Paul recognized that he was the foremost sinner, no matter what others did to him (1 Timothy 1:15).
Though Mable and Biff’s stories differ in tone, the result is the same: mayhem. Their marriages are breaking down because the framework they’re working from is self-centered, not God-centered. They are trying to live out their marriage according to their preferences and perspectives rather than God’s precepts. And this is the fatal shift that destroys so many unions today—not just incompatibility, but idolatry. When we exalt self over covenant, marriage becomes a war zone of unmet expectations and petty retaliations.
If Mable and Biff are to find hope, they must begin not with each other, but with God. Restoration requires repentance, humility, and a renewed vision for marriage as a God-centered covenant, not a man-centered contract. Their thoughts must be renewed, their beliefs must be aligned with Scripture, and their behaviors must be transformed. Three basic steps will mark this road:
In short, marriage cannot survive—let alone thrive—when its foundation is man’s desires rather than God’s design. Only when both spouses return to the One who made them can the chaos become clarity and the mayhem become maturity.
We live in a post-modern era marked by moral confusion and philosophical upheaval. Truth, once regarded as fixed and absolute, has been reduced to preference and perspective. Our culture, which once anchored itself to Judeo-Christian principles, is now drifting further from biblical moorings and deeper into a sea of relativism. The truth is no longer regarded as objective reality but has been replaced with personalized versions of what each person deems acceptable or meaningful. This ideological shift has had profound implications for every area of life, and marriage is no exception. The very definition of marriage is being questioned, redefined, and, in some cases, discarded entirely.
We are witnessing the fallout of this drift. People are not flourishing. Rather, despair, confusion, and relational instability are surging. And many of these troubled souls are now surfacing in our churches, not with clarity, but with chaos. The culture has promised freedom through autonomy, but it has delivered isolation and disorder. We have, as a society, dabbled in the ideas of Freud, Jung, and Rogers—psychological systems that, while insightful in certain observations, ultimately reject the sufficiency of Scripture and the centrality of Christ. These theories have infiltrated our churches under the guise of helping people understand themselves, but they have offered no real power to transform the soul. They have not reconciled hearts, restored marriages, or addressed the root issue: sin. We are left not only empty but misdirected.
Now the opportunity lies before the church. The ball is back in our court. This pivotal juncture is not the time for the church to mirror the culture in language or philosophy, but to rise with clarity, conviction, and compassion to proclaim a Christ-centered solution to the moral and relational crisis of our time. Truth is not subjective; it is a person—Jesus Christ—and He is the answer our broken world desperately needs. The Word of God is sufficient, not just for salvation, but for all of life and godliness—including how we understand and live in marriage. As evidence of this growing crisis, consider a recent survey of our counseling ministry. Within just three months, our office received over 100 requests for assistance. The majority of these pleas were related, directly or indirectly, to marital problems. Behind each phone call or email lay a story of confusion, division, and disappointment—husbands and wives uncertain about how to move forward, struggling to make sense of their fractured unity. These calls were not anomalies; they were symptoms of a broader trend. Marriage is under siege, and the church must be equipped to respond.
The data also confirms the sobering reality: more than half of all new marriages today end in divorce. This terminal problem should grieve us deeply, not only because it represents personal pain, but because it dishonors the picture of Christ and His bride, which marriage is meant to portray. This workbook aims to address this crisis with biblical clarity and insight. I want to help couples understand not just how their marriages are going wrong, but why—and more importantly, how God’s Word provides a redemptive path forward. I aim to uncover the root causes of marital discord in light of Scripture’s teaching on one flesh, covenant love, and Spirit-empowered harmony. I believe that if a couple can identify where their beliefs and behaviors have drifted from God’s design, they can begin the journey of reconciliation and transformation. This process will not be quick or easy, but it is possible for those who submit to the Lord and walk in the light of His truth.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
