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It is doubtful that the average Christian truly grasps the widespread and ongoing collapse of the marriage institution, even though the evidence is all around us. The signs are not hidden: they are visible in our neighborhoods, our churches, and our families. Divorce, separation, apathy, and moral compromise have become common occurrences. The problem has become so normalized that many believers no longer view it with the urgency or sorrow that it deserves. Christian counselors, however, are well-equipped to address the crisis. Day after day, they encounter couples entangled in resentment, bitterness, broken trust, and abandonment. These aren’t isolated situations; they are a flood, and the floodwaters are rising.
The secular world occasionally acknowledges that marriages are in trouble, but its solutions fall drastically short. Without a redemptive understanding of sin, sacrifice, and sanctification, the world’s answers are inevitably shallow. From talk shows to social media influencers, the advice typically centers on self-fulfillment, assertiveness, and emotional self-protection. While these ideas may appear appealing on the surface, they promote a kind of relational autonomy that undermines covenantal love. One of the root problems is that many individuals—believers included—would rather move on to a new partner or relationship that excites their passions than submit to God by staying and working through the difficulties. It is easier to chase a fresh start than to address the sin in oneself and seek gospel-centered reconciliation humbly.
No matter the cultural shifts, the statistical reality remains unchanged: marriage problems are the number one reason people seek counseling. Behind most presenting issues—depression, anxiety, addiction, parenting struggles—there is often a fractured marriage. Whether overt or hidden, marriage dysfunction usually becomes the undercurrent that shapes the mental, spiritual, and relational dynamics of an individual’s life.
Marriage is not just a significant issue for us; it is a massive issue for God. Unlike the world, which redefines marriage according to preferences and trends, God has always held marriage in high regard. It was His very first institution, created before sin entered the world. Long before there was a government, a church, or a nation, there was marriage. God designed it, blessed it, and declared it “very good.” Therefore, to treat marriage as optional, disposable, or merely practical is to dishonor what God established as sacred.
The worldly couple has no taste for God’s values. They do not draw from His blueprints, nor do they think in covenantal terms. Instead, they build marriages on emotion, convenience, or mutual benefit. As Christians, we must think God’s thoughts after Him when it comes to marriage. To think rightly about marriage is to think redemptively, theologically, and sacrificially. We must develop a high view of marriage, not because it is easy or always joyful, but because it is God’s platform for demonstrating His love, patience, and sanctifying grace in human relationships.
The importance of marriage cannot be overstated because it is the cornerstone upon which all other social institutions rest. Strong marriages give birth to strong families. Strong families produce stable communities. Stable communities build strong states. Strong states contribute to a healthy, functioning nation. Conversely, when marriages crumble, everything built upon them is weakened. This perspective is not speculation; it is observable reality. Our societal dysfunction—the rise in crime, educational struggles, economic disparity, and even mental challenges—often traces back to broken homes. A child reared in a chaotic or fatherless household is more vulnerable to instability in every area of life. Yet, few are willing to trace these problems back to their origin: marriage. The mystery behind societal decay is not really a mystery at all. It is the predictable outcome of generations neglecting the foundational structure God gave us.
While a difficult marriage may feel like a curse, it can, through the lens of God’s sovereignty, become a divine opportunity. The Christian who is learning to think biblically about suffering and sanctification will not see hardship in marriage as mere misfortune but as a sacred occasion to grow in grace and reflect Christ. Our first neighbor, according to the second greatest commandment, is our spouse. God has placed this person in our lives not by accident, but by design. And often, it is precisely through that person—especially when they are hard to love—that we learn how to die to self and live for God. Every conflict, every frustration, and every moment of misunderstanding can become an altar upon which we offer obedience to God through love, patience, and forgiveness. A struggling marriage is not an obstacle to growth; it is the very soil in which growth can take root.
This truth elevates marriage far beyond the temporal and places it in the realm of the eternal. Marriage is not merely a human contract; it is a gospel institution. It exists to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church, meaning everything about the marriage covenant points to something higher. The way a husband leads, loves, and sacrifices for his wife points to Christ. The way a wife honors, trusts, and responds to her husband points to the church. Psalm 23:3 says, “He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” That includes the path of marriage. God’s name is on the line. Our marriages should sing His praises, displaying His grace, mercy, and power. When believers begin to see marriage through this lens, every trial becomes an opportunity to make Christ known.
A wrong relationship with your spouse does not merely affect your horizontal peace; it also affects your vertical fellowship with God, which is not a theory, but rather Scripture. First Peter 3:7 warns husbands that if they do not live with their wives in an understanding and honoring way, their prayers may be hindered. In other words, God takes your treatment of your spouse personally. The worldly man may consider God as a resource when it suits him, using religion to pursue his ambitions. But the Christian must see the breach between husband and wife as a spiritual crisis. You cannot live in rebellion toward your spouse and simultaneously walk in closeness with God. God will not be mocked, and He will not bless what you are unwilling to bring into alignment with His will.
The call, then, is urgent and clear. A marriage cannot thrive apart from God’s design, and no Christian can thrive while neglecting or mistreating the most important earthly relationship God has given them. Marital reconciliation is not just about relational peace; it’s about restoring the right worship of God.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
