Chapter Twelve: Marriage or Mayhem—One Name

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Marriage is hard. That may not sound spiritual, but it’s certainly biblical. From the moment sin entered the garden, marriage has been both a battlefield and a blessing. And if you’ve ever tried to love someone as much as you love yourself, you know the cost. That’s why this book matters. In Marriage or Mayhem?, I offer more than principles—I offer a framework, a theology, and a map. With years of experience counseling couples in crisis and equipping churches to disciple well, I learned a few things about getting beneath the surface. I name the real problems—idolatry, self-centeredness, functional theology—and bring the only real solution: Christ at the center.

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The final observation in this progression of divine design brings us to a striking yet often overlooked truth: God calls both male and female by one name. Genesis 5:2 says, “He created them male and female, and He blessed them and named them Man in the day when they were created.” In Hebrew, the word translated Man is Adam, which is both the name of the individual male and the designation for humankind as a whole. This unifying name carries profound theological implications, especially when considered alongside the concepts of image-bearing, covenantal union, and relational purpose. God did not name the man Adam and the woman Eve in the beginning. That distinction came later, after the fall (Genesis 3:20). Before sin entered the world, they were identified together by one name. Though two persons, with unique biological and functional distinctions, they were joined under a shared identity. This unified naming was not merely symbolic; it was intentional. It was God declaring that the image He created in humanity was not fragmented across individuals but collectively expressed in the one-flesh union of male and female together.

This reality, that God called them both Man, stands in perfect harmony with the truth of Genesis 1:27: “Male and female He created them.” Both are made in the image of God, and both are necessary to reflect that image fully. The unity of man and woman is not accidental or optional; it is essential to the divine imprint. God’s naming of them as Adam affirms their equal value, their shared purpose, and their joint identity as His image-bearers. But this unity goes further. By giving them one name, God signals that they are not merely partners; they are one. The one-flesh covenant is so deeply real that, in God’s eyes, their union transcends their individual identities, which is not a denial of their personal distinctions but a proclamation of their covenantal bond. In a world that prizes individualism, God affirms that true glory is found in self-giving unity, a unity that reflects His own nature.

The name Adam signifies humanity—both male and female—and reminds us that together they reflect the relational, unified character of their Creator. Just as the Persons of the Trinity are distinct yet one in essence, so too are man and woman in marriage. Their union is a visible, tangible echo of an invisible, eternal truth. God is One, yet not solitary. He exists in relational community. Therefore, for humanity to image Him rightly, man must not be alone. He needs a counterpart, not to complete him as a fragmented soul, but to walk with him in a shared representation of God’s design, which is also why marriage, as instituted by God, is more than just companionship or a contractual arrangement. It is a theological act. When a man and a woman unite in covenant, they are declaring something beyond themselves. They are bearing witness to God’s unity, God’s love, and God’s image in relational form. To tamper with this design by redefining marriage, ignoring God-ordained roles, or reducing the covenant to mere emotional agreement is to distort what God intended to display through the marital union.

Moreover, God’s act of calling them both by one name safeguards against competition in the relationship. When a husband sees himself as Adam, and his wife as something separate or inferior, he has already deviated from God’s design. And when a wife views her identity as being in contrast to her husband, rather than joined with him under God’s commission, the one-flesh reality is diminished. But when both recognize that God named them as one, and that their unity reflects the beauty of His triune relationship, then their marriage becomes a place of shared identity, mutual honor, and gospel testimony. This shared name also reminds us that marriage is not a playground for personal fulfillment, but a stage for God’s glory. God did not design man and woman to circle one another with demands, waiting to see who will meet whose needs. Instead, He created them to walk together, as one, in the fear of the Lord. In doing so, they point to a greater oneness—the unity of Christ and His church. Just as the church is in Christ and Christ in the church, so too is the husband joined to his wife. The unity is real. The oneness is unbreakable. And the purpose is doxological.

Ultimately, this naming has implications for how we perceive identity, not just marital identity, but personal identity as well. In a culture consumed with defining self by preference, performance, or personal ambition, the Word of God offers something different. It tells us that our truest identity is not self-determined but God-declared. And in the context of marriage, that identity is shared. We are not called to assert ourselves, but to submit ourselves to God and one another in love. Just as Christ emptied Himself and took the form of a servant (Philippians 2:5-8), so too must each spouse lay down the right to individual autonomy for the joy of relational unity. To be called by one name is not a diminishment. It is a glory. It reflects the humility of Christ, the unity of the Godhead, and the mystery of the gospel. It lifts marriage from a human arrangement to a divine declaration. In naming male and female Adam, God was declaring: “Together, you reflect Me.”

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).