Mind Mapping a Lady with a Small God

Photo: ©rick734’s Images via Canva.com

The path to a small god begins in childhood. It winds down a dangerous path until it finds self-reliant living, which is always destructive to the individual and their relationships. The way out of this nightmare of this soul is possible with a little help from a few competent friends and the grace of God.

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Experience Mapping

Mable has been struggling for years with massive doses of guilt and shame. She is painfully introverted, though she has learned to mask it well. Only her closest friends have any idea about the internal angst that rules her soul. Eighteen years with a lazy, critical, and mean-spirited father has left a mark on her soul that she has never been able to scrub away. To compound matters, she has mapped her relationship with her dad over her understanding and experience with God, her Heavenly Father, a common problem in dysfunctional homes. Children only have one father, which makes him their first and most profound definition of a father. In situations like Mable’s, the description of a father is influential and confusing. She has always lived with the underlying message from her dad that there was something wrong with her.

The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly and with unflagging attention: it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over. Here, as so often in this world, persistence is the first and most important requirement for success. – Joseph Goebbels, Principles of Propaganda

The natural and expected evil that flows from this truth is another principle: “If you tell a lie often enough, people will begin to believe it.” Unfortunately, Mable bought the lie that bled through her father’s constant disappointment with her. She finished her childhood years convinced that she was the problem. Mable perpetually dangled between what she could do to overcome what was wrong with her and total failure. Boyfriends, body image issues, and relational conflict made up a three-man tag team against her soul. Though she hoped to overcome this internal struggle, she always found herself on the mat, prostrated and defeated.

Soul Condition

You see her soul condition in the mind map. Her God is small because of the oppressive fear that controls her. Though she became a believer during her teen years, the footprint her father planted on her soul altered her view of God. The Lord was as intimidating as the other father in her life. Her new Christian friends did not discern her deficient and controlling thought processes. They assumed that when Mable was regenerated, all things would be new and that her past would lose its grip (2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4:22). Her hope was a wrong assumption. She was born again (John 3:7), but she was not transformed from the inside out (Philippians 2:12). No person becomes untangled from what is wrong with them at regeneration. The untangling process is progressive, which happens over decades of cooperative effort with the Lord (Ephesians 4:22-24; James 2:14-17).

Salvation gives you the equipment you need (2 Peter 1:3-4), but it does not transform you into Christlikeness without multi-faceted help from the Spirit, His Word, God’s people, and personal responsibility. Mable could not thoroughly enjoy her new-found relationship with the Lord. In her mind, it was a bridge too far. Though she enjoyed a brief honeymoon with God, as things were better, it was not long before the old crippling fear began to dominate her thought life again. With the fear came guilt, shame, and regret, as you can see in the mind map. Mable’s mantra, “There is something wrong with me,” ran on an endless loop in her brain; it was a theme that captivated her thoughts and made her angry. The real source of her unrest came from unmet desires to be liked, appreciated, approved, and loved (James 4:1-3). Because she was not able to fulfill those desires, she lived in a low-grade boil that occasionally erupted onto others when they pushed her the wrong way.

Self-Atonement

Since Mable could not rely on the Lord because she viewed Him in a similar way she experienced her father, she had no choice but to figure out how to overcome her problems on her own. The self-reliant approach was far more palatable than trusting God, her Father. In the mind map, you see how she was saving herself through self-sufficient, self-atoning practices. She bounced between five themes: legalism, punishment, worry, fear, and self-hatred.

• Legalism: Mable was a perfect fit for legalism. All she needed to know was the rules. Of course, she chose the rules, which had to fall within her strengths, the things she could do well. Legalists always pick and choose the regulations they want to follow because failure is not an option for the performance-driven person.
• Punishment: Since it is impossible to be a perfect legalist, there has to be an explanation for her occasional failure. Mable typically blamed others for things that went wrong with her or with her relationships. She could not own her role in any dysfunctional situation because of her insatiable desire to be accepted. Anger, criticism, blaming, and cynicism helped to insulate her from owning any failure.
• Worry: Her constant companion was worry. She played back every scene, circumstance, conversation, and interaction in her mind, and the filter through which she played the tape was worry. Being positive and thinking the best of others was hard for her, which meant she would always shape her conclusions by the negativity that anxiety provides.
• Fear: Mable’s underlying sin pattern was fear, which was born out of her functional unbelief. Because she would not trust the Lord in all matters of her life, she became a modern definition of the unbelieving believer (Mark 9:24). Just like Adam before her (Genesis 3:10), the choice to not trust the Lord will lead you down a path of fear. Fear thrives in the heart of unbelief.
• Self-hatred: Eventually, all of the complexities in her soul would gang up on her, and she could only find relief by punishing herself. This process was like a merry-go-round of idol swapping. She would have seasons of sleep, seasons of overeating, seasons of undereating, and seasons of binge TV viewing. There was no consistent pattern other than atoning for her sins by taking them out on herself rather than allowing Christ to take her punishment.

Her self-atoning worldview led to all sorts of solutions, escapes, and results. I have mentioned some of them, but you can see more on the upper right side of the mind map. Her self-reliant solutions gave her varying degrees of results; some of them felt good in that they brought temporary relief to life and relationships. Sadly, none of them ultimately worked, including Christian counseling, because the fly in the ointment was her broken relationship with God, her Father.

Set Free

Starting points define the journey, as well as how it ends. If you want to change the way you do life, you have to start at the proper beginning, which is your presupposition. Your presupposition is the thing that comes before anything else. Regardless of our allegiances, our starting point is always how we think about God. Our view of God—whether right or wrong, belief or unbelief—will determine the kind of life we will experience. God is the ultimate presupposition (Genesis 1:1). He was before all things, which makes Him the starting point for any belief system. Satan (James 2:19), unbelievers, nominal Christians, and authentic believers have a view of God, a view that determines and shapes the course of our lives.

Mable’s view of God was skewed, a misguided starting point that set the course of her life. Her parent’s primary job was to teach her the right view of God (Deuteronomy 6:4-9), but they failed miserably. Their poor example and corrupted teaching left Mable with no choice but to be self-sufficient. She was like the proverbial dog tossed in the lake and told to sink or swim. Mable had to figure out how to swim, using only her strengths, which were motivated by fear. Mable’s choice not only crippled her but it put a strain on all of her relationships. Mable needed to be set free. She needed a different type of introduction to the true and living God: her heavenly Father, the one who loves her immeasurably and would go so far as to crush His one and only Son to save her soul (Isaiah 53:10). The process for Mable to be set free is at the bottom of the mind map.

Soul Tributaries

Mable’s thoughts have been captivated (2 Corinthians 10:3-6) by many things that are not true (Philippians 4:8). Several false arguments have captured her brain space. Collectively, they have beaten her into submission. These thought arguments have subjugated her for so long that it is nearly impossible for her to realize what she is doing to herself (Hebrews 4:7, 5:11-14). The path to freedom will come after she establishes several biblio-centric tributaries that must flow in and out of her mind. She will need a support team to help her with this process. Her husband will be a crucial discipler, plus a few close and patient friends (1 Thessalonians 5:14). Her team must be well-versed with the content and ideas in this mind map. They must have a theologically precise understanding of her. Here are eleven thought tributaries that I would recommend for her. If you know someone like Mable, I suggest you share this chapter and mind map so you can thoroughly unpack and help your “Mable” in a community of helpers.

• Serving: She cannot become a “Dead Sea Christian,” a person who only receives but does not give. One of the most effective ways to change is by creating outlets where you are serving others. Being other-centered is part of what it means to be gospel-centered.
• Fun: Christians are supposed to have fun. There are times when it is right and wise to get away from the pressures of life. Mable needs to find fun people and fun things that will allow her to unwind, relax, and decompress. This idea doesn’t mean escapism but a practically wise stewardship of joy.
• Praying: She should start with mandatory praying. You forge stable relationships by being together. Mable has a deep-seated fear and misunderstanding of who God is. She needs reprogramming. Part of her retraining will be sitting before the Lord while sharing with Him all that is on her heart (Hebrews 4:13).
• Listening: Solid gospel-centered music can lift the soul, which should not be a passive tributary flowing into her thought spaces. She should be an active listener as she focuses on Christocentric lyrics. The Psalms are words for meditation that we memorize. She should find songs that take her to those sacred places.
• Preaching: Her Sunday morning church meeting is an obvious choice, but she could also find a couple of solid preachers who podcast. This way, she can hear good content throughout her week while she is running, shopping, or relaxing on the back porch.
• Talking: The word communication comes from the Greek word koinonia, which can mean doing life at an intimate level. This option is where her husband and friends will play a vital role in her transformation. She needs to be communicating with the right people, and they need to be interacting with her.
• Reading: Solid Christian literature plus fun reads are both appropriate. Mable’s reading needs to be about God-things, but she also needs to bring some fun into her reading, which can happen by selecting material that brings life to her soul. A mix of devotional, theological, and even light-hearted works will create a nourishing rhythm.
• Laughing: Here is my all-time favorite quote on laughing. I will let it speak for itself:

Laughter is a divine gift to the human who is humble. A proud man cannot laugh because he must watch his dignity; he cannot give himself over to the rocking and rolling of his belly. But a poor and happy man laughs heartily because he gives no serious attention to his ego. Only the truly humble belong to this kingdom of divine laughter. Humor and humility should keep good company. Self-deprecating humor can be a healthy reminder that we are not the center of the universe, that humility is our proper posture before our fellow humans as well as before almighty God. – Terry Lindvall

• Exercising: We are physical and spiritual beings. The line between the two is not clear or the same for all people. Our “soul sizes” and physical abilities are all different. Each person is unique, but there is no question that physical exercise is vital to the body, just as spiritual training is for the soul. Mable needs a plan that serves the uniqueness of her physicality.
• Receiving: Though most of my points are about her receiving something from others, I have singled out this idea of receiving on purpose because her self-reliant nature opposes humbling herself to receive from others. She is too proud to be vulnerable, weak, needy, and broken. She needs to be re-envisioned regarding the counterintuitive nature of the gospel, which says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).
• Identifying: The key for Mable and her helpers is how well they can recognize the things on this mind map that affect her. She must create a new muscle memory that reflexes with a Godward orientation. The more she is retrained to have a greater affection for her heavenly Father, the more her soul will experience the stabilizing power of the gospel.

Call to Action

Mable’s journey is not uncommon. Many women and men live under the false narrative inherited from early shaping influences. Unless challenged by gospel truth, these shaping forces become ruling forces. The gospel dismantles the lie, reframes identity, and realigns worship. You may know a “Mable.” You may be one. You may be married to one. Regardless of the situation, the application is the same: the heart must be reoriented around a proper view of God. The truth must replace the lie. The soul, once bound by shame and fear, can begin to walk in freedom—the power of transformation, not in a formula or quick fix, but through long-term, gospel-saturated community work, anchored in a deepening trust in God as a good and kind Father. “I believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24b) isn’t just a cry for rescue. It’s the beginning of a new identity.

1. What early shaping influences have distorted your view of God, and how might they still be impacting your relationship with Him today? Think especially about how your parents or authority figures represented God to you.
2. Which of the five self-atoning responses (legalism, punishment, worry, fear, self-hatred) do you most identify with, and why do you think that’s your default? What do you hope to gain or avoid through that strategy?
3. Where have you substituted religious performance for authentic transformation through trusting God’s love? Are there areas where you are “doing Christianity” but not resting in Christ?
4. What does it look like for you to build new “soul tributaries” in your life? Which one or two tributaries—like praying, serving, laughing, receiving—do you most need to begin cultivating today?
5. Who is helping you reorient your view of God? Do you have a gospel-centered team speaking into your life, and if not, how can you pursue one?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).