Depend on the Spirit

The “Depending on the Spirit” infographic is a visual representation of the relationship between our God-given desires and how they can become distorted when we fail to trust the Lord. The central concept is a normal, God-honoring desire, such as a desire for someone to change and love God. This desire is natural and good when pursued within biblical parameters, trusting in God’s sovereignty to meet them in the discipleship context to help someone change. However, when these desires metastasize into demands or “needs” in our thinking, they reveal a shift in trust—from God to ourselves. This distortion moves us toward self-reliance and sinful behaviors as we attempt to control outcomes.

The Periphery: Indicators of Not Trusting God

Each term on the periphery of the infographic represents a manifestation of self-reliance and unbelief. These are signals that we have stepped outside the boundaries of normal desires and are attempting to control situations or people in ways that usurp God’s role in our lives. Here is an exploration of the terms provided:

1. Anxiety: Anxiety surfaces when we believe the fulfillment of our desires depends on us. Instead of resting in Philippians 4:6-7, which encourages us to bring our requests to God with thanksgiving, anxiety reflects an underlying belief that God’s provision or timing isn’t enough.
2. Anger: Anger can reveal that we are not getting what we believe we “need” or deserve in a counseling situation. James 4:1-3 explains that quarrels and fights stem from unmet desires, which often grow into demands. This kind of anger is self-centered, not righteous.
3. Fear: Fear often emerges when we imagine outcomes that place our desires at risk. 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us that God has given us a spirit not of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. Fear reveals that we are trusting in our strength instead of God’s power.
4. Discouragement: When desires aren’t met, we may descend into discouragement, interpreting delays or denials as evidence of God’s lack of care. Psalm 42:11 calls us to redirect our hope to God and trust in His plans.
5. Unbelief: At the root of these issues is unbelief—doubting God’s character, promises, or ability to satisfy our desires for someone. Hebrews 11:6 emphasizes that faith in God is essential to please Him, and unbelief is a clear signal of misplaced trust.

Additional Terms to Consider

This list is not exhaustive, as many other attitudes, words, and behaviors can serve as clues that we are relying on ourselves instead of trusting the Lord:

• Impatience: Reflects a lack of trust in God’s timing.
• Control: Indicates a desire to play God in someone’s life.
• Manipulation: Using subtle coercion to achieve what we think is best.
• Despair: Total hopelessness when a desire is unmet, revealing that we’ve made an idol of it.
• Resentment: Growing bitterness toward God or others for unmet expectations.

Each of these terms reflects the core issue of stepping outside of a normal desire and into a self-centered posture, assuming responsibility for outcomes that belong to the Lord alone.

The Mini-Messiah Syndrome

When we over-care for someone, our good desires—like wanting a friend to know the Lord, grow spiritually, or make wise decisions—can escalate into demands. This is the “mini-messiah” syndrome, where we take on a savior-like role, believing that we are indispensable for their transformation. This behavior is prideful, as it diminishes God’s sovereignty and elevates our role in the process. Scripture warns against this tendency in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7, where Paul reminds us that it is God who gives the growth, not human efforts.

A Case Study: Mable’s Over-Caring for Marge

Background
Mable is deeply concerned for her friend Marge, who is struggling with bitterness after a recent conflict at church. Marge is stuck in a cycle of rehearsing her grievances and seems unwilling to reconcile. Mable, in her desire to help, has spent hours counseling Marge, sending her articles, and trying to persuade her to forgive. Despite her efforts, Marge has not changed.

One evening, Mable comes home visibly upset. She begins venting to her husband, Biff, about Marge’s stubbornness.

“I’ve tried everything! I’ve prayed, talked, shared Scriptures, and sent her resources. She just won’t listen! If she keeps this up, she’s going to ruin her relationships and her testimony.”

Mable’s frustration shows that her good desire for Marge’s spiritual growth has transformed into an unhealthy demand. She is taking on the weight of responsibility for Marge’s transformation, a burden only God can carry.

Biff’s Counsel
Biff gently confronts Mable:

“Mable, I can see how much you care about Marge, but I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. God calls us to speak the truth in love, but He doesn’t ask us to change hearts. That’s His job. It sounds like you’re over-caring, trying to control the outcome instead of trusting God to work in Marge’s life.”

He points Mable to 1 Peter 5:7, reminding her to cast her anxieties on the Lord because He cares for her and Marge. Biff also encourages Mable to consider whether her actions are motivated by faith or by fear of Marge’s failure. He adds:

“You need to love Marge well, but you also need to release her to the Lord. Pray for her, but don’t try to fix her. Trust God to do what only He can do.”

Mable’s Response
Convicted, Mable reflects on her attitudes. She realizes she has been acting out of unbelief, thinking that Marge’s growth depends on her efforts. She decides to adjust her approach:

1. Prayerful Dependence: Mable commits to praying for Marge daily, entrusting her to God’s care.
2. Biblical Counsel: She resolves to speak truth to Marge when appropriate but without manipulation or pressure.
3. Stepping Back: Mable decides to take a step back and focus on her own walk with the Lord, ensuring her concern for Marge doesn’t become an idol.

Conclusion

The “Depending on the Spirit” infographic reminds us that even good desires can become sinful when they overtake our trust in God. The terms on the periphery serve as warnings, signaling self-reliance and unbelief. Surrounding ourselves with wise, loving friends who can point out these tendencies is invaluable. As Proverbs 27:6 states, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Ultimately, transformation comes from God, not from our efforts, and we are called to trust Him while faithfully playing our part.

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Peace,
Rick