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Target of Change 02

When helping someone, it’s crucial to identify the true target of change, which is always beneath the surface. Initially, you’ll see the individual’s life, actions, and words, but these are all rooted in the heart. When they present their situation, it’s essential to remember that the visible problem is secondary. As they describe their actions—what they are doing—you need to dig deeper into their thoughts, habits, and former ways of thinking.

These underlying thoughts and preconditioned habits lead to their actions and, ultimately, their situation. Beneath these actions lie their heart motivations and presuppositions—their starting point in interpreting situations and forming response habits. These motivations are their functional theology, influencing how they think about God, which, in turn, drives their actions.

To illustrate, consider these cases:

  1. A person says, “My marriage is falling apart.” You ask, “What are you doing?” They reply, “I shout at my wife.” You ask, “Why?” They say, “When I don’t get my way, I get angry. I serve the idol of control.” Their need to control reflects their relationship with God, leading to a habit of shouting, resulting in a failing marriage.
  2. Another person struggles with porn. They admit to living alone and surfing the net. They seek escape under pressure, serving the idol of comfort. Their desire for comfort leads to escaping into cyberspace, creating a porn problem.
  3. Someone can’t keep a job because they disrespect their employer. They reveal that their father always yelled at them, and they serve the idol of power. This idol fuels a need to not be bullied, resulting in disrespect towards their employer and job loss.
  4. A person who constantly fixes things to be noticed serves the idol of fear. They desire significance and applause, indicating a lack of trust in God.
  5. A parent with a rebellious teenage son might reveal self-reliance. They chose to rear their child differently out of anger towards their parents and God, leading to the child’s rebellion.

Our hearts can serve multiple idols, as John Calvin noted. By understanding the differences between presentation (actions), preconditioning (thought habits), and presupposition (heart motivations), we can better address the root issues. For more on targeting the heart, I recommend watching the full webinar at Life Over Coffee, where these concepts are detailed further.