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Things I Can Change

When helping someone through the transformation process, there are two key ideas to consider: their character (what they can change) and their capacity (their limitations). It’s important to avoid two extremes: believing they can’t change at all, and expecting them to do something beyond their ability. We must distinguish between what someone can change and their God-given limitations, to avoid placing undue burdens on them.

For instance, if a wife says her husband doesn’t talk, it’s likely not a physical limitation but a character issue. Since he has the ability to talk, we can work with him to address why he is silent and encourage him to communicate with his wife. Similarly, an angry person can change their character by learning to replace anger with love.

In counseling, most issues are character-related, not physical limitations. For example, gossiping is a character issue, not a physical compulsion. We can help a gossip to become an encourager. Likewise, someone who is fearful can grow in God-confidence, a self-reliant person can learn to be God-reliant, and the self-righteous can embrace Christ’s righteousness.

We must be careful not to ask someone to do what they cannot due to their capacity. Transformation involves recognizing the distinction between character issues, which can change, and physical limitations, which cannot. By understanding this, we can guide individuals through repentance and renewal, offering hope and realistic goals for growth.

So, if a wife says her husband doesn’t talk, we recognize it as a character issue and help him through the repentance process to become more communicative. This approach respects the interplay between character and capacity, offering hope and realistic expectations for transformation.