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Mable has a hard time telling people “no.” She is a self-described people-pleaser. She knows it, and she is frustrated because she is regularly doing things that she does not like. Each time someone approaches her at her church gatherings with a request to help, she has this running tape in her head that says, “Just say no.”
She usually responds by pushing the pause button on the tape and promptly says “yes” to the request. Her frustration is growing in proportion to her responsibilities. It is so bad that she rarely has time for taking care of herself or other priorities.
As a side note, she has gained 30 pounds in the last three years. She said, tongue-in-cheek, that she would be over 300 pounds by the time she is 60 years old.
The reason for the weight gain is that she spends her evenings and weekends watching television until she falls asleep. Watching TV is her way of escaping. The overworked Christian leader runs to porn, while Mable indulges herself with an inordinate amount of binge TV watching.
When we met for counseling, it was apparent that people’s opinions controlled her. Mable cared way too much about what other people thought about her or what she thought they were thinking about her.
She said her primary motive in life was to make God’s name great. I did not question her motive, though making God’s name great was not truly representative of how Mable lives each day.
Truthfully, her day-to-day, practical theology was to make sure her name was in good standing with other people. Her human-centered way of maintaining people’s good favor was to say “yes” whenever someone asked her for something.
Her “practical theology” was slowly breaking her down spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. She has become an overweight, indulgent, frustrated Christian who is always “Johnny-on-the-spot” when there is a need in her church body.
The goal for her is to be like Jesus rather than this delusional idea that she has in her mind. Christ was so connected to His Father that He was free to say “yes” or “no,” depending on what a situation needed. The opinion that mattered most to Him was His Father’s, and He knew He had that good opinion, which empowered Him to live in the Father’s perfect pleasure.
And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with you, I am well pleased (Mark 1:11).”
This freedom released Jesus to be free to make decisions that were untethered from the pressures, manipulations, or (perceived) desires of other people, whether their desires were good or not. We see this illustrated when Mary and Martha came to Him, asking about their brother. They wanted Jesus to heal their brother, Lazarus.
Jesus, on the other hand, did not respond the way they wanted Him to answer them (John 11:6, 14-15). He was resting in the Father’s favorable opinion of Him, which freed Him to make a clear-headed decision about the best course of action.
Mable is not living in that kind of freedom. She has broken shalom and does not benefit from peace the Father extends to His children through the gospel. “Gospel goodness” frees you from the manipulations of condemnation, as well as the inordinate craving to please others.
I drew Mable a picture during our time together. (You see it above.) She was splitting the motive of her heart between God and other people. At times, God controlled her heart, while at other times, people were in control of her decision-making.
Without question, she wanted to glorify God, but an evil habit had trapped her. It was the habituation to please others more than submitting to the Lord’s power. She did not honestly believe she could say “no” to others and be free from the perceived condemnation (Romans 8:1). Mable had drifted from this basic gospel’s standard: you’re perfect in Christ.
The gospel instructs us that our works would never merit any favor with God. It further teaches us that God is extremely pleased with the actions of His Son. He is so delighted with the works of His Son that He will fully accept anyone who accepts what Jesus has done.
Do you want God’s pleasure? Accept the works of Christ as your own while rejecting any good quality that you think you have. Join Christ at the cross, believing He can save you from yourself while bringing you into good favor with His Father.
If you accept the works of the Son, the Father will be pleased with you. But it gets better: You do not have to strive to please God or others. This kind of gospel-centered thinking releases you to make God’s name great through humble obedience that is not motivated by a desire to please Him (or anyone else) but by an active response to adore Him.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
