48 Case Studies 18: I Will Forgive But Never Forget

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Mable has endured the pain of her husband Biff’s infidelity. After months of counseling and repentance, Biff has committed to restoring his relationships with Mable, the Lord, and their children. Although not perfect, Biff has shown consistent effort and progressive change, demonstrating genuine repentance.

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Mable insists that she has forgiven Biff and states that his adultery is behind them. However, her observed behavior tells another story. Her subtle anger manifests as critical, condemning, and judgmental attitudes toward Biff. When confronted, she becomes defensive, adamantly declaring, “I have forgiven him, but I will never forget what he and others have done to me!”

Her insistence on forgiveness, paired with persistent bitterness, reveals an unresolved struggle in her heart. While her words claim forgiveness, her attitudes suggest she is either unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge the ongoing effects of resentment and unforgiveness in her life. Mable’s bitterness not only strains their marriage but also hinders her spiritual growth, as her heart remains tethered to the offenses of the past. Addressing this issue requires a careful balance of compassion and truth, helping her see how biblical forgiveness leads to freedom and restoration.

Case Study Questions

1. Where would you start with Mable?
2. What is your counsel to a person who forgives but does not forget?
3. Which do you think she is: self-deceived or willfully lying about her sin? Why did you answer that way?
4. How can Biff help Mable through her sinful attitudes?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).