Marriage Day 15: Do You Push Your Spouse to Christ?

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Life Over Coffee Devotions

• 31-Day Marriage Devotion
• 31-Day Parenting Devotion
• 31-Day Teen Devotion

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

How do you positively or negatively contribute to your marriage? In broad categories, you can help in one of two ways, though you may contribute in both, depending on what is going on during any particular season of your marriage:

• You can motivate your spouse by grace.
• You can demotivate your spouse by sinful attitudes, words, or behaviors.

There are times that a spouse can be so hurt and so angry with their spouse—because of the ongoing disappointments from their spouse—that they do not see their sinful contributions to the marriage. Those are the sad situations where the person shuts out the Spirit of God from the marriage (Ephesians 4:30; 1 Thessalonians 5:19). The mounting disappointment is overwhelming, and the spouses are more about grenade launching than redemptive communication (Ephesians 4:29).

• For the wife, it will almost always be in the area of respect. Nothing will cut the heart out of a husband like a wife’s disrespectful attitude or tongue. Her husband is wired to lead, but because of sin, his temptation is to lead poorly, especially in their marriage. I am sorry it is this way, but too often, that is the case. He needs a wife’s assistance for him to lead well.
• For the husband, it is mostly about love and protection. Nothing will cut the heart out of a wife like a husband who is lazy in his love and his protective care. If he does not love his wife well, he is contributing to her steady distancing from the marriage (Ephesians 5:28-29). Though she is responsible for her choice to distance herself, he is responsible for his sinful contribution to her actions.

The answer for the husband and the wife is to think about each other the way Christ thinks about them. Christ loves imperfect people, and He is always busy working on their behalf, seeking to redeem and transform them into His likeness. Is your spouse imperfect? Does that surprise you? It should not. Scripture’s testimony is far less flattering regarding the human condition. Your spouse deserves to go to Hell. Nothing speaks to their worthlessness like the outcome for all spouses who have not been born a second time (John 3:7; Romans 3:12; Revelation 20:15). The good news is how the gospel penetrates our nonsense and gives us something undeserved. The gospel gives spouses empowering favor, too (James 3:6). What they get is not based upon their behaviors (Isaiah 64:6) but upon the grace, mercy, and love of God (Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 3:5). You are to live with your spouse by imitating Christ’s redemptive behavior to your spouse (1 Corinthians 11:1). Christ does not put things in your way to demotivate you to live for His glory. He is not annoying or aggravating. He draws you by His love. He overcomes your nonsense by keeping His eye on a better prize (Hebrews 12:2; Philippians 3:14). Christ is a transformer whose purpose is to transform your life. Even being despised and rejected by others did not deter Him from His restorative goals for your life (Isaiah 53:3; Galatians 6:1-2).

Time to Reflect

1. Think about how what you should be doing for your spouse is what Christ does for you.
2. How has your behavior positively or adversely contributed to the state of your marriage?
3. Does your spouse feel encouraged to be around you? Will you ask your spouse? What was their response?

Practical Suggestion

These are excellent examination questions that will identify what may be going on in your heart while revealing how you contribute to your marriage. Though your spouse is entirely responsible for their actions, God calls you to love your spouse in such a way that contributes to their sanctification. How is the Spirit asking you to respond to this devotion?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).