How to Have a Relational Adventure with Someone You Love

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The most satisfying relationship a person can have with another is when they are mutually sharing their personal experiences with God. They cannot be more honest, transparent, humble, vulnerable, courageous, and life-giving. Though you can’t be this way with everyone, it’s vital to have one person in your life with whom you can penetrate the barrier of loneliness.

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Love God By Loving Others

Because of our universal Adamic shame, we have collectively wrapped ourselves in the “clothes of shame” (Genesis 3:6-7), which always leaves something hidden. Having one true friend willing to love you this way is as intimate, profound, unique, or deep that you can go with God and with that person.

Because God is not a person for personal consumption alone, it is only by sharing your experience with Him that you will know Him in the way He wants you to know Him. Sadly, this kind of “fellowship” with God and others is the most often neglected aspect of two people’s lives. People can be friends, poker mates, sports buddies, sewing club members, neighbors, and marriage partners, but not engage each other as intimately as God provides through salvation and progressive sanctification.

I chose the word “fellowship” intentionally because it comes from the word koinonia, which is where we get our word community. To have fellowship with someone is to commune with them. The ultimate “community experience” is when two people reciprocally enter into the divine, eternal community of Father, Son, and Spirit.

Imaging the Community

God is a community, which we call the Trinity: Father, Son, and Spirit. Your call is to image community, which you can’t do well if you’re not in a community. You have to build a community with at least one other person. There is a reason solitary confinement is one of the worst long-term punishments a person can receive. Isolation and loneliness are painful because God made us in the image of the Divine Community.

Every person will not want to “go this far” with you. And you will be cautious about those with whom you choose to go deeper, but you must ask the Lord to give you at least one other person. Ideally, that should be your spouse if you’re married or plan on marrying. Will you become familiar with this definition of koinonia, also called biblical fellowship?

Biblical fellowship is sharing something that you have in common with another person. It goes to the deepest possible level of human relationship, which is your experience of God Himself.

Eight Jump-Start Fellowship Questions

Here is a list of questions that will help you to explore the possibility of enjoying a “God-centered relational experience” with another person. These questions are eclectic. You choose the one that best fits the relational situation. Perhaps you will want to add to this list. Create your personal biblical fellowship questions.

1. Will you help me in this “specific” area of temptation in my life? I put this question first because you want to model what you’d like for them to do. Lead them by sharing yourself first.
2. What is God doing in your life? Keep it simple, but plan on getting more in-depth about what the Lord is doing. You can “feel the person out” as to how far you both want to go.
3. How is the grace of God working in a particular area of sin? This question is more personal, and if you have built the “relational bridge,” you may be able to talk about the more critical matters in your lives.
4. What specific areas cause you to struggle? This question is different; it is honing in on something that is personally painful to them.
5. What have you recently read that is helping you in your sanctification? Now you’re focusing on the solution. You don’t want to hang out with what’s wrong without leading them to an answer.
6. How can I serve you in a specific area of sanctification in your life? This question positions you to care for them in the future. You don’t want to be that person that “shares a prayer request” and you never talk about it again. No, you want to be intentional, which means ongoing care.
7. What has God taught you recently? Another way to gain access to someone’s life is to tap into what they have been reading, watching, seeing, and learning from the Lord. This question is open-ended but certainly will get the ball rolling.
8. How have you applied it to your life? This follow-up question to the last one delves deeper into some specifics. And it could prove to be a portal for more conversations at the moment and in the future.

Will you find a friend and begin your relational adventure today? (If you are married, that friend should be your spouse.)

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).