48 Case Studies 35: Past Sex Thoughts In Current Marriage

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Biff, a newlywed and a member of your church, comes to you for counseling. His wife, Mable, comes from a family with deep roots in the local church. She grew up attending Christian schools and is now a teacher at the church school. Their relationship was well-known and celebrated within the church community. After two years of courtship, the congregation rejoiced when Biff and Mable announced their engagement and subsequent marriage.

Life Over Coffee Devotions

• 31-Day Marriage Devotion
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• 31-Day Young Adult Devotion

During your counseling session, Biff shared that while Mable remained a virgin until their marriage, he did not. Before coming to faith in Christ about three years ago, Biff lived an immoral lifestyle. However, upon his salvation, he abandoned his sinful behaviors and took intentional steps to lead a pure and God-honoring courtship with Mable. He set clear parameters for their dating relationship and was open with her about his past before their wedding.

Despite his love for Mable, Biff reveals a struggle that has led him to seek your help. When they are intimate, he experiences intrusive images of past sexual relationships. He sees the faces of other women and recalls the things they did together. This ongoing battle deeply disturbs him, and he feels guilt over these memories interfering with their marital intimacy. Biff has not shared these thoughts with Mable as he does not want to hurt or burden her. He desires your counsel on how to overcome these ungodly thought patterns so he can honor his wife and his marriage.

Case Study Questions

1. Is Biff obligated to talk to Mable about his thought life? Why or why not? Depending on your answer, how would you counsel Biff to proceed?
2. How would you counsel Biff about overcoming his thought life?
3. How would you counsel Mable, assuming she learns of what’s been happening?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).