Ep. 140 The Downside of Accountability Partners

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Shows Main Idea – The accountability partner idea can be a useful context for two individuals to meet up to care for each other. But many times these relationships run out of steam for various reasons. The Bible has a better way to think about soul care.

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• Unpacking Accountability from the Beginning
• Budget Some Sine into Your Small Group Experience
• Good, Better, and Best Contexts for Change

Modern Accountability

Biblical Soul Care

Rick shares the story when he refused to be his friend’s accountability partner. He cared for his friend, which is why he wanted to envision him on a better way to find long-term, soul care help.

Historical accountability happens in community and contexts.

1. Community life permits everyone in the body to participate in the long-term endeavor of transformation.
2. Contexts give you different perspectives on one person, e.g., by himself, with his spouse, with friends, in groups, via social media, at the church meetings, etc.

The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him. – Proverbs 18:17

There is no reason to complain about poor accountability partners if you want to be held accountable. Any person who wants to be held accountable can be held accountable. The character traits for accountability are straightforward:

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Authenticness
• Genuineness
• Transparency
• Perseverance
• Humility
• Kindness

If you want to be held accountable, you must hold your accountability partner accountable, or you will not be held accountable by your accountability partner.

Too often accountability meetings are not for accountability.

• You must be aggressive in making your partner serve you.
• You must share all of yourself with the other person.
• You cannot hide parts of yourself if your desire is accountability.

Accountability Questions

The first set of questions is for you to examine your heart regarding biblical fellowship (koinonia). My appeal is for you to spend time with the Lord, discussing what you think about living in community with other believers.

It would be helpful to share your thoughts with someone who is close to you. I also recommend you have a solid understanding of the previous two chapters on communication to help you get a better handle on true community.

1. What are the risks of not having biblical fellowship?
2. How close should someone get to you?
3. How honest should you be with others?
4. How close should you pursue the opposite sex in biblical fellowship?
5. What does koinonia look like practically at work, home, roommates, dating, marriage, and non-Christian environments?
6. Can you fellowship at the same level as married people if you are a single individual?
7. Can you have fellowship the same way with all Christians, including your Christian relatives?
8. What hinders biblical fellowship for you?

This second set of questions are the ones Lucia and I regularly ask each other. They always get the ball rolling conversationally as we transparently share our experience with God—the good and the bad of it—with each other.

1. What is the Lord doing in your life?
2. What has the Lord taught you lately?
3. How have you applied what He taught you to your life?
4. Will you help me in this “specific” area of temptation in my life?
5. What have you read or heard that is helping you in your sanctification?
6. How is the grace of God working in a particular area of sin?
7. What specific areas are you struggling?
8. How can I serve you in a particular area of your sanctification?
9. What are some ways in which you are leading your friends?
10. How are you applying the sermon from this past Sunday?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).