Ep. 296 Practical Advice for Those Struggling with Deep Hurts

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Shows Main Idea – A friend asked me for advice on helping someone who has gone through some deep hurts in her life. The horrific events were patterns, not an isolated episode. When assisting a hurting person, you must marshall many biblical helpers because of the long-term care needed. This episode provides a practical way that our ministry can serve you as you serve the walking wounded.

Listen to the podcast

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• The Destructive Force of Empathy and Why You Need to Know
• What to Do When Biblical Counseling Is Harsh
• What Are You to Do When God Does Not Respond as You Hoped?

Advantages of Supplemental Friends

If you need assistance in helping a person, I appeal to you to let our ministry serve as a redemptive companion to those within your care. The resources are free, practical, and always available. This episode walks through a few things that I told my friend. These ideas talk about practical assistance, not practical counseling; you are the primary care person, and we are your supplemental helpers.

1 – Discern the Complexity of the Need

• Some of the keywords you can search on our site for this type of person with a pattern of deep hurts are victim, abuse, revenge, anger, guilt, fear, loneliness, sovereignty, and repentance.
• You can find all those categories on our Topical Index page. You can look at the categories and scroll through the selections under each cat to see what jumps out at you.

2 – Help for Unbelief and the Need for Change

• Some of our webinars may serve her. All of them are about an hour.
• Overcoming Unbelief would be vital.
• The Doctrine of Repentance may help.

3 – You Must Be Ready to Pivot at a Moment

• I’m not a big fan of books for these things, in a primary sense, though they can be helpful. I prefer to have the ability to flex to different topics as the need arises.
• Books keep you on “one track” for a long time and can hinder the need to change (pivot) “conversation tracks” as diverse issues arise.
• Books can be a helpful “background track” that the person is reading while you’re dealing with assorted issues that arise.
• Of course, the best book is the Bible, but that’s assuming the person understands it and is not angry with God.
  • Sometimes your “starting place” with a person is not where you prefer.
  • Don’t map your experience over them by assuming too much. They may not be ready for what will help them the most.
• Articles/podcasts are great for tackling topics and issues, but it also permits you to keep flexing as needed.

4 – Remember the Artificial Counseling Window

• Keep in view the long-term need she has. So, don’t set any artificial timelines for expectations of her change; it will take years. Thus, being with her for the long haul is vital.
• If she speaks English, she can talk to us.

5 – Introduce Me to Your Friend

• You can introduce me by letting her listen to the 4-part podcast series where I provide an autobiographical overview of my life.
• But do not disqualify yourself by falling into the “I have not had your experience so I can’t help you” trap.

6 – Give Her Excellent Background Reading

If she does read a book, my Suffering Well would be a useful resource as “background reading” while you’re dealing with various issues.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).