Help! My Marriage Has Grown Cold – (10,900 words) Mable approached me at a conference with a soft-bound copy of “Help! My Marriage Has Grown Cold” in her hand. She said that God had transformed her life and marriage through this little booklet. She asked me to sign it, which I gratefully obliged. The storyline is about a lady who decided to work on her marriage despite her husband’s unwillingness. I hope many more couples find the same hope and help as Mable did as they read and apply what I have written.
As a career counselor, most of my counseling practice has been with married Christians who want to resolve their personal and relational challenges. It’s not unusual for a couple to come for counseling. Whenever two people choose to live in a one-flesh union for the rest of their lives, there will be inevitable and understandable complexities that they will have to work through. They are learning how to go from their independent lives to an other-centered, interdependent, one-flesh union. Of course, there is the added sabotaging effect of innate fallenness that distorts spouses differently. Each partner brings baggage into their covenantal union; if left unchecked, their former manner of living can wreak havoc on future possibilities.
What a person was before marriage, good and bad, is what they will be during their marriage unless they make the necessary changes to live the rest of their lives in harmony. Participating in a wedding ceremony, making a vow to God, and saying “I do” do not fundamentally change anyone from what they have always been. Nor do these things ensure a couple will not have future problems. While the dating or courting process can be meaningful, it is not a perfect filter to decipher the good and bad of a person’s character, presuppositions, attitudes, and behaviors. Strangers marry each other, and there is no ideal system, except the marriage itself, to reveal our true selves. The crucible of marriage is a refining process that isolates and identifies previously hidden realities about the couple.
After we learn who we are, we need assistance and guidance to help us get from where we are to where we need to be. The sad news for most marriages is that a struggling couple does not have someone to guide them through the intricacies of their newly established autonomous domestic empire. They mindlessly trudge along through the morass of marriage, not knowing who to turn to when, after a period of neglect, the relationship that began so warmly turns so painfully cold. This book attempts to walk through the pitfalls of two souls in trouble while offering practical help in working through specific marriage challenges in a God-glorifying way. The Bible, as always, will be our filter through which we interpret life.
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence (2 Peter 1:3).
Therefore, this book aims to apply God’s Word practically to two souls in marriage trouble. This book takes the form of a case study of a woman in a marriage that has grown cold. I interact primarily with her. However, the teaching presented is not gender specific. If you are a husband in a marriage that has grown cold, you can easily apply the same truths to your life and marriage. In the last chapter, I suggest ways to win your unwilling spouse back to the marriage and, more importantly, back to God.