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These are not merely theoretical questions; they are pastoral, practical, and pressing for anyone serious about gospel-centered relationships and biblical community. To answer them well, we must revisit our definitions, reassess our categories, and realign our communication habits with Scripture’s call to sanctifying speech and restorative community. Let’s begin by evaluating the word confidentiality. For starters, it is not a biblical word—not making it wrong, but it does mandate or enslave us to how we approach sensitive topics. In modern Christian discourse, confidentiality is often imported from secular counseling models and used without sufficient theological clarity. As with all terminology, word choice matters. Our faith and our practices hinge on how we use words. Christ Himself prayed, “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth” (John 17:17). Paul reminded Timothy that all Scripture is “breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16–17).
Historical theologians have lived and died protecting the integrity of God’s Word, knowing how faith itself comes by hearing the Word (Romans 10:17). Ironically, many of us who are meticulous about our theology become casual about how we apply theology in daily life, particularly in the realm of communication and sanctification. Biblical transformation demands more than good doctrine; it requires obedient practice, and the application of theology—sanctification—is not optional. It’s the expected outcome of sound belief. We are not called merely to study Scripture academically but to live it out relationally. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1). Truth divorced from love and practice is dangerous. Thus, our concern for sound doctrine must be matched by our concern for sound sanctification. The Bible warns that even demons have sound theology (James 2:19); what they lack is obedient application.
Confidentiality, as it’s commonly practiced, is a product of professional practices, not a biblical theology of relationships. If we removed the word from our Christian vocabulary altogether, we wouldn’t lose anything essential to a gospel-centered community. What we need is not secrecy but redemptive discretion, truth applied wisely in relationships that aim for transformation. Let me illustrate with a story. Biff was an accountability partner to his pastor. Over time, he discovered the pastor had been hiding a long-standing pornography addiction spanning three decades. Though the church eventually terminated the pastor for unrelated issues, the hidden sin had contributed significantly to his disqualification. The elders were aware of some character issues but not the full scope of the secret pattern. When Biff urged the pastor to confess his struggle to future churches, he refused. Worse still, he appealed to confidentiality as his shield.
The Bible speaks forcefully against this kind of silence. Paul rebuked the Corinthian church for tolerating sexual sin (1 Corinthians 5:12). David described how miserable he was when he stayed silent about his sin (Psalm 32:3–4). The Lord sent Nathan to expose and restore him, even revealing his sin to the world (2 Samuel 12:7). Paul warned that if the church doesn’t deal with sin internally, it will be exposed externally (1 Corinthians 6:1). Like cancer, unaddressed sin spreads, affecting families, churches, and the wider witness of the gospel (1 Corinthians 5:6).
Although confidentiality isn’t found in Scripture, the Bible is not silent on sensitive communication. It simply uses better, more biblically grounded language. Confidentiality is a communication issue—thus, it belongs under the larger umbrella of how the people of God are called to communicate. The biblical word koinonia—translated as fellowship, partnership, participation, or community—offers the better category. Koinonia means sharing our lives in honest, redemptive ways. Communication in the body of Christ should always aim toward unity, transparency, honesty, integrity, trust, and redemption. The modern idea of confidentiality leans toward secrecy, fear, hiding, and sometimes even deception. It can preserve an image but hinder repentance. It may feel safe but often suppresses freedom.
Instead of leaning on a single vague term, the Bible gives us dozens of words and principles to guide our communication: discretion, confession, building up, fitting speech, soft answers, wisdom, slow to speak, confession, encouragement, slander, gossip, rash words, backbiting, and more. These terms, when studied together, paint a rich picture of how biblical communication fosters community and promotes sanctification. (See James 3:1–18; Ephesians 4:25; Proverbs 13:17; Proverbs 15:1; 1 Peter 3:1–9; among many others.)
The New Testament goal is always community, not secrecy. In the story of Biff and his former pastor, confidentiality is clearly used not to protect others but to preserve a reputation. In contrast, Jesus laid out a redemptive process in Matthew 18:15–17 for dealing with sin. Notice how the progression moves from private to public, not for the sake of exposure but for the sake of reconciliation.
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that you can establish every charge by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matthew 18:15–17).
Gospel community is not about hiding; it’s about healing. Christ came to reverse the curse, which includes reversing the instinct to cover ourselves with fig leaves and avoid accountability (Genesis 3:7–10). The gospel calls us into the light. “If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship [koinonia] with one another” (1 John 1:7). A biblical community does not allow sin to fester in the dark. It creates a culture of loving honesty, courageous confrontation, and gracious restoration. The truly humble Christian wants their sin brought into the light so that it can be killed and Christ can be exalted.
There will be times when a Christian falls into sin. Ideally, they confess quickly, repent deeply, and begin walking in the Spirit. But sometimes, sin captures and deceives them. When this happens, they need redemptive intervention (Galatians 6:1–2). This impasse is where the Matthew 18 process becomes not just helpful, but essential. We are not called to carry the burden alone or ignore it. We are called to bring others alongside for the sake of the sinner, the unity of the body, and the glory of God, which is why I would never pledge to keep something confidential in advance. If someone says, “Can I tell you something in confidence?” I will gently tell them that I cannot make that promise. Why? Because I do not know what they’re about to say.
What if they confess to a crime or reveal a danger to others? What if their sin involves abuse or long-term patterns of harm? That said, I am not careless with sensitive information. The alternative to secrecy is not slander or gossip. It’s discretion guided by wise redemptive love. When someone confesses sin, my first response is not to broadcast it but to shepherd them toward repentance. If they refuse to repent, I cannot keep it hidden. My loyalty is to Christ, to the truth, and to the community that He’s building, not to the comfort of someone clinging to their sin. God executed His Son because of sin (Isaiah 53:10). The gospel informs me about the seriousness of sin. For us to hide it—to manage it on our terms—is to mock the cross. What God brought into the light through Christ, we dare not cover up again with silence.
Let’s go back to Biff. His friend—the former pastor—refused to repent. At that point, Biff had no choice but to involve others. He should have told the elder board. He should have communicated clearly that this was not about revenge or shame, but about redemptive clarity, accountability, and restoration. He had already made many private appeals. The next step was biblical escalation because it matters when sin is left unchallenged; it becomes a threat to everyone. Would you hire a pastor addicted to porn to disciple your children? Would you entrust him with spiritual oversight? Of course not. And yet, that is what happens when we misunderstand confidentiality and silence those who should be speaking up. Instead of asking, “How can I protect this secret?” we should be asking, “How can I protect this soul, this church, the next church, and the name of Christ?”
Let’s now return to the original questions:
Redemptive communication isn’t about policing each other. It’s about loving each other enough to bring truth into painful places. A culture of grace doesn’t ignore sin or weaponize it. It exposes and covers it, not with secrecy, but with the gospel. That’s what true biblical fellowship looks like. So no, I won’t promise to keep a sin secret. I will promise to walk with you, fight for you, and call others in to help until you are free. That’s not betrayal. That’s Christlike love.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
