The Story of the Boy Who Was Controlled By Others

Photo: ©Min An from Pexels via Canva.com

I was counseling a teen who said to me, “Mr. Thomas, you don’t wear Walmart to high school.” It was great! In his simple way, he clearly articulated what every human on the planet feels. He’s insecure, and he’s willing to give up his life choices to groupthink.

You may want to read:

• A Practical Plan to Break Free from Being Controlled by Others
• Instructive Synonyms for People-Pleasing, Insecurity, or Fear of Man
• You Have the Right to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

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Fear is the root cause: your starting point. Snaring is the result. Trust (Read: faith) is the root solution, and safety is the result. My teen friend chose not to trust the Lord but to fear (and crave) the opinions of others. The result was that the views of his peers controlled how he thought, which manifest by his clothing choices. His “fear of man” gave all the kids at his high school the power to accept or reject him.

His craving drove him for acceptance while fearing rejection. He was like a puppet on a string. They could give him a thumbs up (or down), and up means that he will get his desire for acceptance, approval, significance, and respect. Down implies that they could reject him by making fun of his clothes. He was insecure.

• A good working definition of insecurity can be: placing your faith, trust, hope, and belief in something that can be taken away.
• A good working definition of security can be: placing your faith, trust, hope, and belief in something that cannot be taken away.

Unfortunately, my teen friend placed his faith in something that others could take from him, which was their “accepting opinion.” Their view of him was driving him, and he knew it. He also knew that their opinion could change from day to day or season to season, so he closely monitored their attitudes and words to ensure that he stayed in the good favor of his controlling friends.

The irony here is that his peer group had no idea how insecure he was or what his twisted perspective of them was. Here are some of the questions I asked my friend:

• What is wrong with God? (Obviously, you’re more managed by the views of others than God’s perspective of you. You’re making volitional choices every day, and you always choose people to be your “functional, controlling god.”)
• What is your problem with God?
• Are you angry at God?
• Are you afraid of God?
• Do you know God?
• Why are you more concerned about the opinion of man than the perspective of God?
• Or why are you so concerned about people’s approval if Christ has accepted you, assuming that He has (John 3:6)?

An insecure person needs to go back to the gospel and rethink the implications of the cross on his life. There is a reason my teen friend is not turning to God, and I wanted to know what it was. He who trusts the Lord will be safe, but he was rejecting God for some reason, which led to his insecurity.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).