The Boy Who Was Controlled By Others

Like Me, Too

This teen, like many of us, was ruled by the impulse to conform to the cultural norms and assumptions of his peer group. For him, the mere idea of wearing clothes from Walmart felt like social suicide—an outward representation of being less-than: lacking value or significance in the eyes of his classmates. His image mattered because his image was tied to his identity, and his identity was not grounded in who God said he was but in how he believed others perceived him. Biblically, this form of soul-enslavement is called the fear of man. Proverbs 29:25 names the issue clearly and concisely: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” This proverb is built on a Hebrew parallelism that teaches two opposing paths:

1. Fear versus Trust
2. Man versus God
3. Snare versus Safety

The logic is straightforward: fear is the root in his heart, and enslavement is the fruit in his life. Alternatively, trust in the Lord—genuine, robust, active faith—is the remedy, and the outcome of that God-centered confidence is spiritual safety and security. My young friend had chosen the path of fear. His heart craved the approval of certain people, so much that their opinions shaped his worldview, his words, and his wardrobe—perhaps even his sense of worthiness. He willingly submitted his internal state of being to the authority of his classmates. They had the power to raise him up or cast him down with a single word, a glance, a laugh, an unkind word. In that way, he had become like a puppet, his core identity suspended on strings held by the vacillating opinions of teenagers.

His pursuit was acceptance; his fear was rejection. Those two forces combined to form a powerful stronghold in his life. Acceptance, approval, significance, and respect were the idols of his heart. But what he didn’t yet understand was that by craving these things from unstable sources—people whose moods and opinions shift with the wind—he had given his heart to gods that could never satisfy.

Security Defined

A definition of insecurity is placing your hope, trust, belief, or confidence in something or someone that you can lose. On the other hand, biblical security involves placing those same heart-level trusts in something—or Someone—who can never be taken away, no matter the circumstance. Sadly, my teenage friend placed his hope in the changeable—believing if he could gain the approval of his peers, then he would be okay. But because people are fickle, their opinions are unstable, and their favor is conditional, he was in a continuous state of monitoring how he could win their good favor. He paid attention to them, looking for any sign of disapproval or rejection, and promptly transformed himself accordingly. He didn’t want to admit it, but their opinions held sway over his heart.

And here’s the irony: the very people who were shaping his life so profoundly probably had no idea they had that much power over him. They didn’t know the weight that he gave to their opinions. They weren’t aware that my friend had elevated them to the level of functional gods in his life. So, after his Walmart admission, I asked him some pointed questions—questions that you might want to consider, too:

• What is wrong with God that you would choose people to rule over you instead of the Lord?
• Why do other people’s opinions manage you so much?
• Are you angry at God or perhaps suspicious of Him? Are you disappointed with God?
• Do you believe God is for you, or are you afraid of what He might say or call you to do?
• Have you ever truly known the Lord? If Jesus Christ is your Savior, why are you still living for man’s approval?

These are complex questions. But they are necessary because it’s vital he understands the deeper heart issue: misplaced trust. The cross of Christ dismantles any notion that we need to prove ourselves to anyone or win them over. The gospel exposes our striving for what it is—self-reliant, self-atonement. The gospel calls us away from self-saving strategies. The Lord calls us to rest in what Christ has already accomplished on Adam’s tree and to redefine our worth not by who claps for us but by the One who died for us.

Call to Action

Perhaps you can relate to my friend. Do you do battle with insecurity? If you’re like me, you do. Truthfully, we all have our bouts with how certain people think about us. Perhaps a better question might be, how deeply do the opinions of others influence the way you live? Do you value your reputation more than your identity in Christ? Are you functioning more as a mirror for others’ opinions than as a reflection of Christ’s character? Here are a few practical ways to begin reshaping your thoughts to a Christocentric mindset:

1. Whose voice carries the most weight in your decisions—God’s or someone else’s? Think about the choices you make each day—what you wear, what you say, how you present yourself. Whose opinion do you crave as you shape those decisions? What does your answer reveal about the primary authority in your life?
2. If Christ’s sacrifice truly secures your worth, what does your pursuit of others’ approval say about your grasp of the gospel? Reflect on what it means for Jesus to declare you fully known and fully accepted. If the fear of man is a problem, why are you still striving for praise from people who didn’t die for you, cannot save you, or provide lasting peace?
3. What are you trying to protect by managing how others perceive you, and what does that reveal about your view of God’s sovereignty? Beneath the fear of man is a belief that you must control outcomes. What are you afraid will happen if you stop managing appearances and simply rest in who God has called you to be?
4. Would you be satisfied if God was pleased with you even though people misunderstood or rejected you? This question may be the clearest test of where your trust lies. Imagine the approval of God resting on you while others mock, ignore, or disapprove of you. Would that be enough? If not, what does that reveal about the affections of your heart?

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