Heart Case Study

Our Getting to the Heart of the Matter infographic is essential when helping anyone through the transformation process. The infographic is a simplified yet profound visual representation of how biblical counseling works. While it may appear straightforward, it carries deep theological and practical implications, providing a roadmap for getting beyond surface-level problems to the real issue—the heart.

Many people seek counseling thinking their circumstances are the primary issue, but this model reminds us that we must counsel below the surface. True transformation does not come through behavior modification, feel good validation, or coping mechanisms—it comes through heart change by the power of the gospel. Let’s walk through this process step by step, applying it to a case study with Biff and Mable, a couple experiencing family dysfunction.

Step 1: The Presenting Problem – “Why did you come to counseling?”

1. 1. Infographic: The person (or couple) starts with a surface-level complaint—in this case, “Family dysfunction.”
   2. Analysis: This point is where most counseling conversations begin. People state their problem as they perceive it—often through a lens of circumstantial blame rather than self-examination.

When a couple says, “Our family is dysfunctional,” they are describing symptoms, not causes. Dysfunction is the result of deeper issues—heart struggles that manifest in how they relate to one another. A biblical counselor must lead them past this surface-level answer to uncover the root problem.

Biff and Mable’s Case:

• Biff and Mable come to counseling saying, “We have a dysfunctional marriage. We argue all the time. We don’t communicate well.”
• Their frustration is real, but they don’t yet see their heart issues—they assume their external conflicts are the core problem.

Step 2: Observable Behavior – “What are you both doing?”

1. Infographic: The couple is asked about their actions, and the answer is “Dishonoring.”
2. Analysis: This is an important transition because it shifts the focus from circumstances to actions. Dysfunction is not just something that “happens” to people—it is a result of what they do.

In biblical counseling, we are not merely concerned with how they feel about their problems; we want to know how they are responding to their circumstances. Dishonoring behavior—through harsh words, passive aggression, avoidance, or bitterness—is a sinful response that worsens dysfunction.

Biff and Mable’s Case:

• Biff withdraws and shuts down when they argue.
• Mable criticizes and complains, believing she is “just being honest.”

Both believe the other person is the problem—so they dishonor each other rather than seeking to love as Christ loves (Ephesians 5:25, Philippians 2:3-4).

Step 3: The Source of Dishonor – “Why are you dishonoring?”

1. Infographic: The dishonoring behavior is traced to past and present conflict.
2. Analysis: This step is crucial because it reveals that dishonoring actions are not random. People dishonor others because of resentment, unresolved sin, or selfish desires.
   1. Past Conflict: Unforgiveness from previous offenses builds up, creating a pattern of bitterness.
   2. Present Conflict: Ongoing selfishness fuels new offenses, keeping the cycle of dishonor active.

Biff and Mable’s Case:

• Biff feels disrespected due to past arguments where Mable dismissed his opinions.
• Mable feels unappreciated, believing Biff no longer values her.
• Their dishonor is a response to hurtful past experiences, but instead of addressing them biblically, they justify sinful actions by blaming each other.

They must learn that past offenses do not excuse present sin (Ephesians 4:31-32). Their dishonor is not just about their marriage—it’s about their hearts before God.

Step 4: The Root Sin – “I Am Self-Righteous”

1. Infographic: At the heart of the issue is self-righteousness.
2. Analysis: Self-righteousness is the belief that “I am right, and they are wrong”—that my way is superior, and the other person needs to change. This is the root of so many relational conflicts.
   1. Self-righteousness fuels pride and defensiveness.
   2. It blinds people to their own sin while magnifying the sins of others.
   3. It creates a posture of judgment rather than humility (Luke 18:9-14).

Biff and Mable’s Case:

• Biff believes: “If Mable would respect me, I wouldn’t get angry.”
• Mable believes: “If Biff would listen to me, I wouldn’t criticize him.”
• Neither sees their own need for change. Instead of taking responsibility for their dishonor, they focus on proving their own rightness—which is self-righteousness in action.

Step 5: How Self-Righteousness Affects Communication

1. Infographic:
   1. “What is the primary problem?” → “I’m right, they’re wrong.”
   2. “Why do you not communicate well?” → “Can’t agree on things.”
   3. “Why is there ongoing conflict?” → “We don’t communicate.”
2. Analysis: Self-righteousness leads to stubbornness—when both people insist on their own way, they become unwilling to listen, compromise, or seek peace.
   1. This creates a communication breakdown because:
      1. Each person filters conversations through their own defensiveness.
      2. The goal becomes winning the argument rather than loving the other person.
      3. Conflict never truly resolves, because neither person humbles themselves.

Biff and Mable’s Case:

• They don’t listen to understand—they listen to argue their point.
• They don’t ask heart-revealing questions—they assume the worst about each other.
• Their communication pattern is not about resolving problems—it’s about proving their own rightness.

Step 6: Gospel-Centered Transformation

This entire framework leads to one central realization—Biff and Mable do not need better communication techniques; they need repentance, humility, and gospel transformation.

• Self-righteousness must be replaced with humility (Philippians 2:3-5).
• Dishonor must be replaced with Christlike love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
• Past and present conflicts must be resolved biblically (Colossians 3:12-13).

When Biff and Mable humble themselves, acknowledge their own sin, and choose to love each other sacrificially, their communication changes naturally. They no longer fight for self-justification—they seek reconciliation and peace.

Conclusion: Biblical Counseling Must Go Below the Surface

This infographic is not just a flowchart—it is a biblical process for transformation. Many seek counseling for circumstantial fixes, but real help only comes through getting to the heart of the matter.

• If we only address behavior, we will create temporary change.
• If we only focus on communication skills, we will miss the heart issue.
• But when we address self-righteousness, pride, and dishonor, we help people experience lasting transformation through the gospel.

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Peace,
Rick