Case Study: He Cannot Lead His Wife

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Bert wasn’t sure what to think as he watched Biff and Mable across the dinner table. They had come to his and Marge’s house for a casual meal, but things quickly turned odd. Mable, with her usual energy, had immediately taken over the conversation. She didn’t just dominate the talk but also seemed to be managing Biff like a mother might handle an uncooperative child.

“Isn’t that right, Biff?” she asked, without waiting for him to respond. As he had done throughout the evening, Biff just gave a slight nod, looking uncomfortable but saying nothing. Now and then, Bert noticed Biff glance down at his plate, hoping it might offer him an escape route. Bert’s wife, Marge, kept trying to steer the conversation, asking questions directly to Biff. But Mable intercepted almost every one of them, answering on his behalf. At one point, when Marge asked Biff about his new job, Mable launched into a detailed explanation of his daily schedule before he could open his mouth.

As the dinner went on, it became clearer that Biff had little say in most areas of their lives. Mable’s controlling nature wasn’t just in conversation; it seemed to spill over into every aspect of their marriage. Bert could see how Biff’s silence wasn’t just about being polite—there was a pattern here. It looked like Biff had learned to step aside, letting Mable lead, even though it was causing obvious tension between them. After dessert, Bert was alone with Biff when the women left the table to get coffee. The silence was thick. Bert wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure where to start. Biff’s body language suggested years of frustration and passivity. Bert could sense that this wasn’t just a casual dinner problem—it was a deeper issue that had been eating away at their marriage for a long time.

When Mable and Marge returned with the coffee, Bert knew he needed to talk with Biff later. But where should he begin?

Case Study Questions

1. How can Bert support Biff without making him feel more powerless or ashamed?
2. What role should Marge play in reaching out to Mable, and how can the couple wisely approach this as a team?
3. What biblical truths would help Biff see his responsibility as a husband more clearly, and how can Bert communicate these to encourage growth?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).