48 Case Studies 13: He Cannot Lead His Wife

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Biff and Mable have sought biblical counseling after transitioning to their new church, following a recommendation from their previous pastor. The pastor noted Biff’s struggle to lead his wife, a concern that became evident during your first session.

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In the session, Mable dominated the entire conversation, frequently answering questions for Biff and controlling their interactions. Her assertiveness contrasts sharply with Biff’s passivity. He avoids potential conflict, disengages from discussions, and increasingly spends less time at home, creating further distance in their relationship.

The dynamics of their marriage reveal a significant imbalance. Mable has taken over the leadership role that biblically belongs to Biff while he retreats from his God-given responsibilities. Both spouses are caught in a cycle of frustration—Mable compensates for her husband’s lack of initiative, and Biff withdraws further under the weight of her controlling tendencies.

Their entrenched habits and relational imbalances present challenges to restoring biblical order in their marriage. While they desire clarity and help, these patterns complicate efforts to foster mutual respect and establish a marriage where both partners fulfill their roles in a way that honors God.

Case Study Questions

1. In this first session, who should be your primary focus, and why?
2. How would you establish structure and balance for the next few sessions?
3. What biblical principles would you use to help Biff take responsibility for his role?
4. How would you counsel Mable to honor her husband’s leadership biblically?
5. What strategies would you use to maintain order in your counseling sessions?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).