48 Case Studies 46: Practice Parenting With Adoptive Kids

Photo: ©Kaspars Grinvalds via Canva.com

Biff and Mable adopted Biffina when she was a toddler, bringing her into their family with high hopes and good intentions. Now, years later, Mable has begun referring to Biffina as her “practice child,” a term that reflects her frustration and disappointment over Biffina’s rebellious behavior. In contrast, Mable describes their biological daughter, Biffette, as easier to parent, further widening the relational gap between the family members.

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Biff and Mable are seeking help to understand what went wrong in their parenting and how to address the growing tension in their home. While they recognize that they’ve made mistakes, they seem unaware of how their attitudes and words have shaped their relationship with Biffina. Both parents feel unequipped to respond to Biffina’s rebellion and wonder if her struggles stem from the fact that she is adopted.

Biffina, meanwhile, appears to feel isolated, unseen, and misunderstood, further fueling her rebelliousness. The comparison to Biffette only heightens her sense of rejection and distance. The parents’ approach, though well-meaning, has created a dynamic that fails to reflect the gospel’s call to love, grace, and unity within the family.

Case Study Questions

1. How would you address Mable’s perspective of Biffina as her “practice child”?
2. What heart attitudes would you confront in Biff and Mable, and how would you encourage repentance?
3. What additional information would you want to know to understand their parenting approach better?
4. How would you help them view both daughters through a gospel-centered lens?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).