48 Case Studies 37: I Can’t Connect With My Church

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Sylvia has attended a large church in Galveston, TX, for 14 months but feels disconnected despite her efforts and consistent attendance. She has not developed meaningful relationships and struggles to feel part of the community. Her mother, Mrs. Avery, believes that the church’s size is the problem and has encouraged Sylvia to consider attending a smaller one. However, Sylvia is uncertain whether her difficulty lies in the size of the church or her hesitancy to engage.

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Coupled with the issue that Sylvia has not been totally honest with her mother about all the reasons she senses a disconnect with her church, her husband does not have a problem with it. He is involved with his work and connects well with his teammates on the job. As Sylvia thinks about her husband, their community, and a future family, it only intensifies her desire to settle this problem once and for all.

Sylvia longs to belong to a thriving, gospel-centered community but feels stuck. She recognizes her hesitation to take relational initiative but doesn’t know how to overcome the obstacles. She is seeking guidance from you to discern whether she should remain at her current church and work on engaging more intentionally or explore another church where she might feel more naturally at ease.

Case Study Questions

1. How would you help Mrs. Avery think biblically about her daughter’s challenge?
2. If Sylvia were seeking counsel, how would you guide her step-by-step in assessing the situation?
3. What role does personal responsibility play in Sylvia’s difficulty?
4. How would you replace terms like shy or connecting with biblical categories to describe Sylvia’s struggle?
5. What 1970’s rock song formed the basis for this case study?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).