Ep. 478 What to Do After Two People Forgive Each Other

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Shows Main Idea – Whenever there is a sin event between two people, there will always be a need to ask for and grant forgiveness. If they do not transact forgiveness, their relationship will not be all God intends. This episode is the second of a two-part series where Rick Thomas drills deep into the elements of forgiveness. Please listen to or watch Episodes 477 and 478 to understand forgiveness fully.

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• Ep. 477 Breaking Down Forgiveness, Practically Speaking
• Ep. 478 What to Do After Two People Forgive Each Other
• Pre-forgiveness Is Essential Before You Can Genuinely Forgive

Double-confession

Sometimes, the offended will become the offender during a sin event: they respond sinfully to what someone did to them. Too many offended folks do not perceive or acknowledge their sinful response when someone sins against them.

• It creates pockets of silence in the relationship.
• The victim sinner harbors subtle anger against the person who sinned against them.

Post-forgiveness

The power of the gospel has neutralized the sin between the offender and the offended. Reconciliation can happen because of Christ.

• It does not mean you will have an ongoing relationship with the person.
• However, you can discuss what happened because the sin is dead and will not re-animate—if the forgiveness is legit.
• You want to discuss what happened so you can move on to the restoration process.

Forgiveness Miscellany

1. Now that I want forgiveness, how do I handle my past sins?
   1. You may (or you may not) rectify past sins.
   2. It may be possible to reconcile with those suffering because of you.
   3. If love cannot cover your sin, you want to strategize how to deal with others.
   4. If your conscience is condemning you for your past sins.
   5. You cannot reconcile all relationships in a fallen world.
2. I will forgive you if you promise to change.
3. The person who uses unforgiveness as a weapon.
   1. “I will not be vulnerable to permit you to get close to hurt me again.”
   2. “I will not let you be free from what you did to me.”
4. Am I to forgive someone who is not asking?
5. Should you forgive even if you don’t reconcile?
6. What if I choose not to forgive someone?

Unforgiveness is just one sin, but it will never hibernate in autonomy. It’s like cancer when left to its own devices. A gathering constellation of sins will emerge with the intent of devouring its prey (1 Peter 5:8). – Rick Thomas

Here is a non-exhaustive list of some of the more common problems that unforgiving people experience.

• Gossip: The unforgiving person regularly talks negatively about others, especially those who hurt them.
• Criticalness: The unforgiving person tends to express more negativity than positivity about life.
• Joylessness: You would not characterize the unforgiving person as happy, joyful, or hopeful.
• Self-deceived: The unforgiving person is unwilling to see their situation with biblical clarity.
• Lying: The unforgiving person tends to spin the truth to put themselves in a better light.
• Anger: The unforgiving person exhibits various forms of unrighteous anger.
• Bitterness: The unforgiving person’s ongoing anger eventually turns into bitterness. (This is the downward spiral effect of unrepentant sin.)
• Offended: The unforgiving person is defensive and quick to retaliate because they view life through the lens of their hurt.

Forgiving Yourself

Imagine a friend paying for your meal at a restaurant. Though you appreciate it, you decide to also pay for the meal—in addition to his payment. You do not need to pay for something someone has already paid, and you do not need to forgive yourself after God has forgiven you. The real question is, “Can you rest in His forgiveness?”

Call to Action

1. Is it hard for you to confess your sin and ask forgiveness? If so, why so?
2. Are you more apt to default to an apology or an “I’m sorry” when confession and forgiveness would be better?
3. How prosecutorial of yourself are you when seeking forgiveness from someone? How easy do you make it for them to forgive you because you make it clear to them?
4. Have you ever forgiven someone even though you questioned their sincerity? What do you need to do about it now?
5. Would you characterize your closest relationships as repentant relationships? If not, what changes should you make with your most intimate friends?
6. Do you live in a confessional home? If not, why not?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).