Ep. 477 Breaking Down Forgiveness, Practically Speaking

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Shows Main Idea – Forgiveness is a multifaceted God-centered opportunity for two people to reconcile after there is a transgression. It’s not always straightforward because of the complexity of sin and some relationship complications. Each person must work hard to understand biblical forgiveness and do all they can to reconcile when sin divides two people. In this talk, I will walk through many aspects of forgiveness, making practical applications in various situations.

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• Ep. 477 Breaking Down Forgiveness, Practically Speaking
• Ep. 478 What to Do After Two People Forgive Each Other
• Pre-forgiveness Is Essential Before You Can Genuinely Forgive

Forgiveness and Apologies

• A sorry illustration.
• Only Christians can biblically forgive.
• God won’t forgive those He opposes. See John 3:36; Romans 1:18; 1 Corinthians 2:14; Ephesians 2:1; James 4:6.
• The Spirit empowers and illuminates believers.

Forgiveness Is Superior

• Forgiveness heightens the awareness that somebody sinned.
• Forgiveness is part of the process of repentance.
• Forgiveness allows the sinner to be free from what they did.
• Forgiveness allows the offended to release the offender from their sin.
• Forgiveness affirms the testimony of the gospel: Christ died for our sins.
• Forgiveness brings glory to God, not minimizing the need for Christ to die.
• Forgiveness fosters humility.
• Forgiveness removes sin between two people.
• Forgiveness gives a death blow to sin’s advances.
• Forgiveness pictures to others how to deal with sin.

Forgiveness Ordo

1. Sin: We miss the mark, a transgression of God’s Word.
2. Guilt: God declares us guilty whether we feel it or not.
3. Conviction: We grieve or quench the Spirit of God.
   1. Conscience matters.
4. Confession: We agree with God that we have sinned.
5. Forgiveness: We enter into a forgiveness process.
6. Reconciliation: Once we neutralize sin, there is nothing between us.
7. Restoration: We can begin the restoration process after the sin event.

Pre-forgiveness

Pre-forgiveness is preparing the heart of the offended to seek forgiveness from the offender. (Think: Joseph: Genesis 50:20.) The Lord must be our anchor point as sin angles to capture us, especially when someone sins against us. Here are a few ways sin tries to trap its prey after someone does a dastardly deed to them.

No Pre-forgiveness:

• Your thoughts enslave you as you dwell on the offending person’s actions.
• Your thoughts fixate on the hurt and what the person did to you.
• You struggle to process the nature of your relationship with the person.
• Your attitude toward the offender ensnares you.
• There is a relational awkwardness between you and the offender.
• Your heart swirls in fluctuating desires as you try to gain clarity from the Lord.

The Victim Sinner

• Victim = vicarious: God did not equip us with the ability to carry sin long-term.
• A sanitized victim will not have a governor over their tongues, as they sense moral superiority over the person who offended them.

Forgiveness

• “I will give up my rights until the offended party forgives me of my sin.” – Active Repenter

Active forgiveness

• The offense, confession, and forgiveness spheres are the same.
• Forgiveness is not an apology.
• Forgiveness is active with specificity.
• Forgiveness is an act of personal prosecution.

Transactional

• Ask God first.
• Total transactional forgiveness, not just with humans.
• Avoid pragmatism: damage control horizontally.
• Ask others second—if there are others.

Attitudinal

• When the offender is no longer living.
• When the offender is unwilling to repent.
• When it’s not possible or wise to pursue forgiveness.
• When you can overlook an offense.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).