Ep. 505 Why Women Struggle with Porn and How to Overcome

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Shows Main Idea – The struggle with pornography is a significant issue that affects both men and women, though it might manifest differently and need somewhat nuanced approaches to overcome it. In the context of biblical teaching, the use of pornography is a misdirection of the God-given desire for love and intimate connection, which becomes corrupted by sin, making our normal desires self-centered. Women may struggle with pornography for several reasons, including a longing for relational connection, past trauma, curiosity, or habitual sin patterns that develop over time. This issue often thrives in secrecy and shame, making it challenging for many to seek help.

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• Will I Ever Be Free from My Recurring Temptation to Sin
• Three Ways to Overcome Sin and Temptation
• How to Change That Annoying Voice in Your Head
• Learning How to Take All Your Bad Thoughts Captive

Reasons for Struggle

1. Emotional Connection: Women may be seeking emotional connection, motivating their consumption of pornography. Rather than satisfying their relational void, it leads to a deepening sense of emptiness or guilt because porn does not satisfy them.
2. Shame and Stigma: A sense of shame, fear, guilt, or insecurity might lead one to use porn because of its accessibility and the perceived risk-free nature of it. The user assumes the false intimacy of porn will fill the internal inadequacies.
3. Curiosity and Exploration: Women, like men, may use pornography to explore their sexuality. This temptation can be particularly true in environments where open discussion of sexual needs and desires is discouraged or they are ashamed to have transparent discussions.
4. Escapism: Just like men, women might use pornography as a way to escape stress, loneliness, or depression, leading to potential dependency if not addressed, much like comfort food or heading to the bar to drink alcohol to de-stress from a long day at work.
5. Addictive Aspects: Pornography can become addictive due to the dopamine release associated with sexual arousal. Over time, a person may need more frequent or more intense material to achieve the same level of satisfaction or arousal.
6. Social Influences: Exposure to sexualized images and messages in media and online technologies can normalize or encourage the consumption of pornography.
7. Relationship Tensions: For those in relationships, pornography use might be because of thoughts of betrayal, inadequacy in a partner, or conflicting thoughts about that relationship.
8. Body Image Issues: Pornography often portrays unrealistic body standards and sexual expectations, which can impact self-perception and body image. They might idolize the perfect companion to help them live out the fantasy of the mind, assuming nobody would love them in real life.

Solutions for Overcoming

Each person’s journey is unique, and it might take several strategies to find what works best for one’s situation to overcome porn use. The key is to address the underlying reasons for the struggle and build a supportive network. The following God-centered steps are vital to help someone overcome this struggle.

1. Practical Repentance: This essential step involves acknowledging the sin before God and seeking His forgiveness. Repentance is a heartfelt response to God’s mercy that includes a desire and effort to turn away from sin.
2. Accountability: It is crucial to establish a relationship with a trusted, godly lady who can offer prayer, support, and accountability. This person should be someone who can provide wise counsel and encouragement without judgment.
3. Coping Mechanisms: Develop coping strategies when the temptation comes, like guarding against stress and physical deregulation that decrease the temptation of pornography for an escape.
4. Renew the Mind: Transforming one’s thoughts through the study of Scripture is part of the repentance process. The Word of God provides the truth about who God is, who we are in Him, and how He calls us to live. Specific Scriptures that remind us of our identity in Christ and His power to renew us are particularly helpful.
5. Educational Resources: Learning about the impacts of pornography, both psychologically and physically, can enlighten individuals to make informed decisions.
6. Address Root Causes: It’s important to explore underlying issues that may be driving the behavior. These causes could be associated with relational dysfunction, loneliness, past hurts, and escapes through comfort. Some of the underlying issues might be unbelief, bitterness, victim mindset, anger, regret, etc. It is beneficial to address these with a competent biblical counselor you respect and who is proficient in God’s Word.
7. Prayer and Fellowship: Continual prayer for strength and perseverance is crucial, as is participating in a community of believers. The church can offer support, fellowship, and practical help in overcoming sin.
8. Communication Skills: For those in relationships, improving communication with spouses about desires, needs, expectations, and temptations can be crucial.
9. Change Habits: Proper exercise, plus eating and sleeping habits, are vital. Creating redemptive hobbies and pouring yourself into serving others versus self-serving addictions like porn.
10. Technology Tools: These tools can include setting internet filters, removing certain apps from devices, or other practical measures to reduce exposure to tempting situations. Perhaps you should get rid of some devices and reduce your screen time, plus never take your device to bed and only view it in non-private spaces.

Call to Action

For a woman dealing with this struggle, resources like the “You may want to read” section at the top of these Show Notes could provide additional biblical insights and practical advice. Engaging in such God-centered resources promotes restoration, not through one’s strength but through the power and grace of Christ. Remember, redemption and transformation are always possible with God. I recommend that you share this episode and associated resources with a close friend with whom you can talk about these matters.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).