Ep. 554 Why We Must Forgive and How to Do It
Shows Main Idea – Forgiveness is not a sentimental release of offense; it’s a Christ-exalting act of worship. In this episode, I will unpack why biblical forgiveness is essential for the church, for families, and for the good of your own soul. Drawing from the gospel model, I’ll explore the difference between attitudinal and transactional forgiveness, examine common misconceptions that blur the process, and explain how rightly practiced forgiveness protects unity and glorifies God. If you’ve ever struggled to know how to forgive—especially when the offender won’t repent—this episode will give you a clear, gospel-shaped roadmap.
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Introduction: The Gospel Frame for Forgiveness
- Forgiveness is not primarily about emotional relief.
- It’s an act of worship that reflects God’s mercy and justice.
- We forgive because we’ve been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32).
The Cost of Unforgiveness
- Unforgiveness festers under the surface, creating disunity (Galatians 5:9).
- Conflict is never neutral—it either reconciles or rots (James 4:1).
- Within the body of Christ, bitterness fractures relationships and weakens witness.
Forgiveness as a Protection for Gospel Culture
- Unforgiveness harms families, friendships, and churches across generations.
- It models distrust and resentment, rather than the mercy of God (Ephesians 4:3).
- Biblical forgiveness maintains unity and models Christ’s humility.
The Model: Forgive as God in Christ Forgave You
- God initiated forgiveness—while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).
- Our forgiveness must reflect His: undeserved, merciful, full of grace.
- Humility and kindness replace entitlement and judgmentalism.
The Two Types of Forgiveness
- A. Attitudinal Forgiveness (Pre-forgiveness)
- Internal posture when full reconciliation isn’t possible (e.g. death, danger, or refusal to repent).
- Not about forgetting the sin, but entrusting justice to God (Romans 12:19).
- Indicators of a sinful heart: bitterness, gossip, avoidance, and self-righteousness.
- B. Transactional Forgiveness
- Full forgiveness when repentance and confession are present.
- Specific sin is named, owned, and released.
- Reconciliation is the goal—not just closure.
- Sometimes includes double confession when both parties have sinned.
Clearing Up Misconceptions
- Forgiveness doesn’t trivialize sin—it magnifies God’s justice and mercy.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means remembering with gospel clarity (Genesis 39:2).
- You are never off the hook from humility just because the offender hasn’t repented (Mark 11:25).
The Fruit of Forgiveness
- Peace with God (clear conscience, joyful obedience).
- Peace with others (reconciliation, trust rebuilt).
- Freedom from the mental chains of bitterness.
- Gospel clarity in how we live and love (James 3:17–18; Hebrews 12:14–15).
Call to Action
Forgiveness is not a favor we offer to others when we feel like it—it is a command rooted in the mercy we’ve received. If God has not withheld His forgiveness from you, what gives you the right to withhold it from others?
Ask yourself:
- Am I holding someone in the courtroom of my mind, rehearsing their offense more than I reflect on God’s grace?
- Have I chosen the slow erosion of bitterness over the hard but holy path of forgiveness?
- Is my heart postured with mercy, even if reconciliation hasn’t yet occurred?
- Would those closest to me say I reflect the forgiveness of Christ—or the resentment of self-rule?
This is not about pretending sin didn’t happen. It’s about responding to it the way God does: with truth, justice, and mercy. Start by humbling yourself before the Lord. Identify where you’ve resisted forgiveness, and ask: Do I trust God enough to release this offense into His hands?
Your obedience matters. Your relationships matter. And above all, the clarity of the gospel in your life matters.
So today, make the decision to move toward mercy—not because it’s easy, but because it reflects the heart of the One who forgave you first.
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Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
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