Ep. 432 The Secret to Having a Great Marriage That Lasts

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Shows Main Idea: If you want a persevering relationship with someone, having the proper aim is vital. As you think about your most significant relationship, what is the singular secret to making it last with joy and fulfillment? In this episode, I want to share with you the secret to having a great marriage that lasts. You may apply this essential tip to any vital relationship you want to maintain with grace. Learn the secret and the process of building a relationship that endures with grace and truth.

Show Notes

You may want to read:

• Five Things You Need to Know to Change Your Life
• The Most Powerful Way to Help Someone Change
• The Most Important Things You’ll Ever Learn to Change

The Secret

• Always be looking at the right goal if you want a marriage that lasts.
  • Our relationships must have an eschatological component for them to be meaningful and lasting.
  • With the proper aim in view, you will experience persevering grace as you navigate these relationships.
    • This not only applies to relationships but also to any worthy objective.

Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).

• Garden of Gethsemane: One of the harshest testing times in the life of Christ was just before His death. With the will of the Father as the objective, there was persevering grace to endure the moment.
  • The proper goal emboldens and encourages us to endure.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).

[Jesus,] who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 1:8).

• A Driving Illustration: While sitting and engaging those around you in the present tense, you also look toward the future with one eye on the destination.
• Our Marriage Vision: A picture we had in view in our old age gave us a goal of what to strive toward—though we needed help to get there.
  • Then we were married, and things became difficult.
  • We repented, recalibrated our mission, and began making the adjustments to reach it, which is becoming a more explicit representation of Christ and His church.

Changing Course

• If you’re in a good spot where both partners can talk, you want to take advantage of today’s humility and begin addressing what should happen to recalibrate your relationship.
  • Start by agreeing to a marriage mission statement that has something to do with “glorifying God” as the aim.
  • For marriage, glorifying God looks like becoming more like Christ and the church.
  • You may word your mission how you wish, but it must be some version of “glorifying God by becoming more like Christ and His church.”

Eight Essentials

If you’re ready to address the recalibration of your relationship, here are a few essential tips to consider in sequential order.

Gathering Your Team

1 – Pray: It sounds obvious, but it’s non-negotiable for helpless folks, not those who remain confident in their self-reliance. Plus, nobody can change themselves or anyone else without God’s initiation. Talk to Him.

2 – Appeal: Building a relationship will not work unless both partners are willing to engage the problems with humility and a desire to change. Perhaps you need to ask God to give you the grace and courage to approach your spouse.

3 – Enlist: Let another friend or two know what you’re about to do. This concept is pre-accountability, bringing in others who will pray for you and ask good questions as you move forward.

Assess Yourself

4 – Responsibility: Think through what you must change, and confess these things to your spouse if your relationship is strong enough to steward vulnerable confessions. If the relationship is not stable enough, you won’t be able to have a transactional conversation, but you can address your issues with the Lord (Psalm 51:10).

Helping Your Spouse

5 – Insight: Ask God to give you clarity on how to help your spouse to become untangled from sin, bad habits, inconsistencies, and other matters that need His intervention (Galatians 6:1-2).

6 – Implement: As the Lord provides insight into your spouse’s struggles, you want to cooperate with Him in restoring your spouse.

Working Together

7 – Focus: Whatever your mission statement is, always keep it at the top of your mind, talk about it regularly, and make all the needed adjustments to keep moving toward it.

8 – Perseverance: With humility motivating your heart, your words will have the seasoning of grace that encourages each other to continue in the process.

Call to Action

1. What is the goal of your relationship? What do you hope it will be like if you were to live another forty years together?
2. Does your spouse agree with you? How do you know? Will you ask?
3. If you do not have a solid mission statement, will you address what I have put forth here, start crafting one, and begin the process of moving toward that good outcome?
4. For many folks, at least one spouse will not be willing to engage at this level. If this is your situation, you must begin working on three of the first four steps I laid out, praying, having a praying friend who will hold you accountable, and doing whatever you should do to change yourself (Romans 10:18; James 4:17).

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).