Marriage Day 6: Does Your Marriage Look Like This?

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Life Over Coffee Devotions

• 31-Day Marriage Devotion
• 31-Day Parenting Devotion
• 31-Day Young Adult Devotion

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31).

A husband and wife are not just two people within the marriage. Yes, they have independent relationships with the Lord and with others, but they are also one flesh. Like our blessed Trinity, there is perfect oneness that unites the Father, Son, and Spirit. This kind of union is both a mystery and a practical reality. Though we cannot fully understand what a one-flesh union means, we can functionally and faithfully participate in a one-flesh marriage while enjoying its benefits. Before two people made a one-flesh covenant (agreement) with God, they were two individuals belonging to different family units. At some point after their initial introduction, they realized that being with each other was worth leaving their respective families to set up their unique autonomous domestic empire.

A family is not just when a couple has children but when a couple is married. The first family unit was Adam and Eve. They later added children to their autonomous domestic empire. This newly formed family of two agreed they would honor, cherish, love, and serve each other until death separated their one flesh union. At the beginning of any marital covenant, the couple is, for the most part, two different entities. Though on paper, they are one flesh under God and before the world, they are yet unable to fully enjoy all the benefits of being one flesh. With time, grace, community, and intentionality, it will be possible for them to mature into a God-husband-wife harmonic union, experiencing authentic koinonia. Not being able to entirely enjoy what it means to be one flesh is similar to our relationship with the Lord.

After your second birth (John 3:7), you received everything needed to be Christlike (2 Peter 1:3; Ephesians 4:22-24). However, the functional working out of the fullness that God intends for you to enjoy takes a while to enjoy thoroughly (Philippians 2:12; 2 Peter 3:18). One flesh living is a lifelong journey. From your first introduction to your future separation at death, your lives should be an ever-unfolding mystery that incrementally reveals itself as you navigate the contours of life together. The idea of living in a one-flesh marriage is like many petals on a flower that open up and mature through time. It is an unfolding and assimilation of mind, body, soul, spirit, emotions, will, strengths, weaknesses, and more. Here are some of the goals a married couple moves toward as they begin to mature into a practical one-flesh union. Begin each descriptor below with, “We are one in…”

A man and a woman are different in many ways, particularly as it pertains to their personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and gifts. To be one flesh does not mean they are a carbon copy of each other. It means all of their positives and negatives, strengths and weaknesses blend into a unified, harmonic, God-centered, other-centered, one flesh union. What Adam was missing, Eve supplied. What Eve was missing, Adam provided. Like gears perfectly meshing into each other to make the machine function at an optimal level, the husband and wife mesh into each other so they can present a God-glorifying symmetry as a sweet savor to the Lord and blessing to each other and a testimony to others. Being different does not have to displace unity. Because of the grace of God, your differences within your one-flesh union should create richness and wholeness. Just like in the Trinity, there is a place for differences within the unity.

Time to Reflect

Think about the one flesh list above. Which ones stuck out to you? What other one-flesh traits would you add to the list?

Practical Suggestion

Over the next few days, talk to your spouse about the traits that stood out to you. Talk about those in which you are truly maturing as a one-flesh couple. Discuss how you both can become one in some of the other traits. Will you make a practical plan and hold one another accountable to accomplish the plan?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).