Day 3 – Living Boldly: Parents Aren’t Perfect
Photo: ©Zinkevych from Getty Images via Canva.com
Today’s topic might hit close to home: learning to accept that your parents aren’t perfect. It’s easy to agree that nobody’s perfect—until someone’s imperfections directly affect you. One of the most painful lessons I had to learn as a young adult was to accept my parents’ shortcomings. Our children are no different; they live with imperfect parents, which is not a justification but a fact of reality.
Life Over Coffee Devotions
God, I thank you that I am not like other men
(Luke 18:11).
When Expectations Collide with Reality
What I wanted from my parents didn’t match who they were as fallen individuals. I didn’t understand that my desire for them to change couldn’t override the reality of their unique struggles, personal baggage, and shaping influences, which had nothing to do with me. They had no mentors or guidance and, like me, were caught in the confusion of life without Christ. Ironically, I expected them to be good people while I was blind to my own selfishness and sin.
Looking back, I realize I should have pitied them instead of responding with anger. But self-absorbed, entitled, and demanding people (like I was) rarely show compassion to others who are more like them than unlike them. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I stopped to consider why I had been so angry with them. Here are four reasons that stand out.
- Life Was Overwhelming: As a youth, life was moving too fast for me to process. I couldn’t handle everything happening around me. Instead of slowing down and seeking help, I lashed out.
- My Parents Were Fallen People: Like all of us, my parents were faithful to their Adamic natures. They weren’t Christians at the time, and their behavior was consistent with who they were. I expected more from them than they could give. Even if they were believers, they would continue to be imperfect.
- My Mind Was Chaotic: The noise inside my head was deafening. My thoughts were like a busy intersection where too much was happening at once, leaving no space for clarity or grace. Blind to your own blindness is the worst kind of blindness.
- I Wanted Escape, Not Change: My goal was to leave home rather than seek personal growth that the challenges held out for me. I thought physical distance would solve my problems, but it didn’t. You carry who you are wherever you are. The goal is to realize that it’s less about them and more about you.
A Friend’s Advice
A friend once told me, “Your attitude will affect your altitude. You can soar with the eagles or cluck with the chickens.” While it sounded like something from a bumper sticker, he was right. Blaming others for my struggles was a recipe for bitterness. I had to stop playing the victim card and take responsibility for what depended upon me.
Time to Reflect
- If you’re frustrated with your parents, take a step back and ask yourself these questions:
- Are you asking your parents to be something you refuse to be? Are you holding them to a higher standard than you hold yourself?
- How is your example presenting Christ to your parents? Are you showing them the same grace, patience, and humility that Christ has shown you?
- Accepting that your parents are imperfect doesn’t mean excusing sin, but it does mean responding with compassion and humility. Instead of demanding change from them, focus on how you can reflect Christ to them. As you grow in grace, you might be surprised at how God works through your example.
Let’s live boldly, trusting God to transform our hearts and our relationships.
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Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
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