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Life Over Coffee Devotions
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27).
Your spouse is two parts—body and soul. Every person is a dichotomy—organic and nonorganic or physical and spiritual. Though the two parts interrelate and affect each other, there are distinctions between them, which require different care. The word body is a basket word that includes all the parts of the body, like your hair, skin, lungs, heart, blood, and toenails. Healthy body parts work together to permit you to function at optimal levels. Though each body part is interrelated, each one is independent and needs a particular kind of care. The independence of the parts is why you want to be specific when trying to help a person who is hurting. For example, if a person has a tummy ache, you don’t ask them about their ankles. They might say, “My ankles are fine; it’s my stomach that is killing me.” You cared for them but asked the wrong question. Asking the right question is essential. A doctor asks a general question rather than a specific one, “How are you doing today?” He asks you a non-specific question that allows you to answer it in a specific way.
Likewise, your soul is similar to your body. It’s a basket word that houses all the soul parts, such as the heart, spirit, mind, thoughts, imagination, intentions, will, dreams, emotions, conscience, attitudes, faith, confidence, hope, fears, and more. Because I am not God, I do not know the thoughts and intentions of my wife’s heart (Hebrews 4:12-13), which is why the question that I ask her more than any other is, “How is your soul today?” It is a general, non-specific question. It is rare for a day to go by when I’m not asking her that question. Rather than thinking that I know what is going on inside of her or, even worse, telling her what is going on inside of her, I ask her. Similar to a medical doctor, I intentionally leave the question open-ended and non-specific. I want her to fill in the blank by getting specific with my generalized question.
Perhaps she fears today. I need to know that so I can serve her with practical soul care. With the soul question, she has the liberty to answer it accurately and without my assumptions. If she is afraid, she may say, “I’m struggling with taking my thoughts captive today,” which is something she has said in the past. Her response is my call to action to help her connect the dots with possible other soul parts that may relate to and feed her fears, such as thoughts, dreams, imagination, attitude, conscience, and even sleep deprivation. When one part is struggling, it will always affect other parts, too. This concept is the same for the body and soul. By serving your spouse this way, you are not only helping yourself—because you are one—but you are also helping your spouse avert potential physical issues that can come to the surface as they bubble up from the soul.
For example, a friend of ours was struggling with physical pain in her jaw. She was grinding her teeth while sleeping. My wife asked her about a decision their family was making and how her self-confessed worry, fear, and anxiety might be causing the physical pain. The lady agreed. She decided she would not discuss this family decision before bedtime but only during the day. Her jaw relaxed, and the physical problem disappeared. The soul and the body are interrelated. Perhaps you want to ask the question the way your doctor does: “How are you doing today?” That’s fine as long as you both know the intent of the question and your spouse has the freedom to answer according to what’s happening in their soul.
Think about how you can be a better soul care physician with your spouse and enact your plan. Talk about the wisdom of an open-ended question where you both have the liberty to explain what is going on exactly.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
