Parenting Day 6: Before You Can Help Your Child, You Must Wait

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When he came to himself, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father (Luke 15:17-20).

You can only help a child if he wants help. If your child is not serious about change, your care for him will have a limited impact. Your primary parental role is waiting on the Lord as He brings your child to an end of himself. You can motivate him all along the way as you cooperate with the story God is writing in your child’s life, but you cannot change your child no matter how hard you try (2 Timothy 2:24-25).

The Prodigal Son narrative in Luke’s Gospel gives you a template that will help govern your heart as you wait for your child to change. Notice the four sequential steps that led to the Prodigal’s transformation.

• #1: End—He Came to an End of Himself: The end of himself is always the beginning of change. The end is the necessary first step because a child will often experience worldly sorrow rather than godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10). He feels caught between his sin and its horrible consequences, so he says he is ready to change. A few months later, he returns to his sin like a dog returning to its vomit (Proverbs 26:11).
• #2: Light—He Sees The Light: When your child gets to an authentic end of himself, he will experience God’s empowering illumination. You won’t have to tell a repentant person what to do. The repentant individual automatically knows how, when, and why to do the will of God. He’s like a wind-up toy. God winds him up with divine favor, and your job is to get out of his way because his heart is motivated to transform. God will use your counsel, but your counsel will have little effect if the Lord is not actively illuminating the child.
• #3: Plan—He Makes A Plan For Repentance: After God turns the light on, the former rebel will be proactively thinking through a plan of repentance. Notice what the Prodigal did. Before he acted on his plan of repentance by going to his father, he sat in the hog lot and scripted a plan for repentance. Premeditated repentance is a crucial step. Isn’t that your testimony? You came to an end of yourself, God illuminated your mind, you premeditated your change, and you began working your plan for repentance.
• #4: Act—He Acts Out His Plan: He put a wooden stake through the heart of his old self and jumped on the road to repentance. When you see a repentant person—like the Prodigal’s daddy saw his son—God will have already changed him. There is nothing left for you to do but forgive and love him. If your child needs to change but has not yet come to the end of himself, the first thing you should do is wait as you ask the Lord to bring your child to the beginning of change, which is the end of himself.

Time to Parent

1. How do you act like the Holy Spirit in your child’s life? For example, do you become impatient with your child while trying to speed up the change process?
2. Talk to God and a close friend, asking both to help you learn practical patience as you cooperate with the Lord in transforming your child.

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).