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Covenant means to separate from all others and commit to one, i.e., marriage or the Lord. For example, in marriage, we are not separated from interacting with all women in the world—if you’re a man. The same goes for women, but it means that nobody from the opposite sex will have power over us, or we won’t have more love for anyone than our wives. We may engage all of humanity—male and female—but none of them will gain our affection more than what we have for our spouses.
Of course, there could be wisdom in separating from some women or a particular woman—if our heart lusts after someone. That type of “separation from the world” is not legalism but wisdom—practically applied. The vital idea to remember is that the evil in play here is not the “objects” in the world but the passions, lusts, and desires in the heart (James 1:14-15; fire in the bones). To miss this point is to miss the origin of the sin, its cause, and where we should place our focus.
The wrongheaded perspective is to say, “It was that woman who is the cause of my lusts, so I must stay away from her.” This view of separating from a woman will keep us from addressing the real issue, and we won’t change. We may separate from all the women in the world and still not find a cure for the problem; the sin, lust, and passion continue to be there, looking for ways to express themselves.
A man told me years ago that he gave up porn and gained thirty pounds. He did not fix the problem of his lust-filled heart but redirected his desires in another direction. The legalist who believes the problem is “out there somewhere” will do similarly and go through similar cycles of addiction: stop, start, stop, start, ad infinitum. Anytime we externalize sin’s cause as being out there somewhere, we may retreat from all those objects of lust while missing the source of the lust—in our hearts.
As we move inward, realizing that the fountainhead for all sin, temptation, and stumbling blocks rises from the heart and attaches itself to various “precious” subjects in the culture, we’re in the right place to interact with the problem. Perchance we could remove—mortify—those heart idolatries, we possibly could engage those former “tempting objects” in the future because our hearts do not desire them.
Alternately, it could be that your mortification will be a life-long process, an exercise in humility and strengthening from the Lord as we lean into Him in our weakness to gain His strength over our temptations. It’s like a recurring skin disease—eczema. You put a topical ointment on the problem, knowing it recurs, and you have to keep applying the medication. You don’t despair because there is a daily cure, though not a permanent one, until you get a new body. Whether you find a permanent or daily cure, you have a prescription.
Sometimes, our solutions are not how we would prescribe them, but the humble heart receives the Lord’s mercies with gratitude and active obedience. This type of teaching is for those with ears to hear, and if you do have your biblical ears on, you’re on the path to more extraordinary transformation.
It is accurate to say that the Lord shapes us into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). We call this passive obedience. You want to relish in the truth that God changes us. But we’re not inactive recipients of God’s transforming power. Active obedience is a thing, too. We have a responsibility before the Lord to work out (Philippians 2:12) what He is working in us (James 1:22, 4:17).
The remainder of this episode speaks to the need for the person who is addicted to something to respond with humble, unashamed, courageous, active obedience. We do this as though our lives depend on it. In one sense, our spiritual life does depend on it. We must throw human wisdom and self-reliance to the wind and embrace the radical, transforming doctrine of grace as we engage God in a way that changes our us.
I trust these questions and concepts will help anyone willing to change.
If you’re not serious about change, which you can measure by responding to this path forward, nobody can help you change. You’ll live in a cycle of purity, sin, regret, purity, sin, regret. Repeat.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).