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Let me ask plainly: Are you genuinely comfortable in your own skin? Do you find your daily decisions, desires, and habits are quietly steered by a craving for approval, or by the fear of disapproval? For example, when you shop for clothes, do you buy what reflects the honor of Christ or what aligns with cultural trends? When it’s time to correct someone or speak the truth in love, do you silence your perspectives for fear of being disliked by them? When hosting guests, do you rush about trying to polish every detail, not primarily from a desire to be hospitable, but to manipulate how others perceive you?
Do you carry unresolved guilt for past sins, as if dragging a heavy sack of condemnation, because you believe you are still required to bear the burden? If any of these things are true, you’re navigation of them is more normal than you might realize. It’s one of the more common entanglements we face in our relationships with others—what the Bible identifies as the fear of man (Proverbs 29:25). It’s often dressed in modern language as “being comfortable in your own skin.” Still, Proverbs is blunt: if you’re not anchored in the Lord, you’re caught in a snare, and it’s one of your own making.
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. (Proverbs 29:25)
Freedom from the opinions of other people begins with anchoring your identity in something more stable—a real, living, and active relationship with Jesus Christ. Suppose your sense of value, security, or personal comfort connects itself to anything outside of Jesus Christ, whether it’s status, beauty, success, acceptance, or applause. In that case, your sense of self will always be subjugated to whatever entity or person holds your attention.
When you ground your state of being in the unshakeable person and finished work of Jesus Christ, your internal strength becomes untouchable. There is no force, human or spiritual, that can override the reign of the King of kings and Lord of lords (Philippians 4:13). In Him, you possess something more significant than fame, wealth, intelligence, or charisma. The approval of God through His beloved Son outshines every lesser light.
May I ask you directly? Would you like to be at peace with yourself? Would you like to live without being managed by the fluctuating views of others? Do you long for security that’s not dependent on human reactions? If so, then be encouraged: it’s not out of reach. The gospel has already made the way for you to declare boldly:
“Hi, my name is (insert your name), and because of the regenerating power of the gospel, the indwelling Holy Spirit, the illuminating Word of God, and the favor of God’s grace, I am perfectly comfortable in my skin.”
That attitude is not arrogance. That’s gospel confidence. It’s not self-centered; it’s Christ-centered. Wouldn’t it be a joy never again to fear disappointing someone? To stop crumbling under the weight of someone’s disapproval? To rest deeply in God’s delight in you because of His Son?
To arrive at this place of peace, you must confront the work-based mentality that tempts so many believers. This mindset insists that acceptance, whether from God or others, must be earned through your performance. The one gripped by fear of man believes that what they do ultimately determines their worth. Striving to gain the acceptance of other people is a race that has no finish line. Regardless of whom you’re performing for—your boss, spouse, friend, or even God—it will never be enough to satisfy your longing for unconditional approval. Why?
Because God will never accept your works as the grounds for your standing with Him, even your most well-intended efforts are stained with imperfection. Real friends will not expect or demand that you perform to keep their affection. If someone’s love for you is contingent on performance, that’s not friendship—it’s manipulation.
Because God will never accept your works as the grounds for your standing with Him, even your most well-intended efforts are stained with imperfection. Real friends will not expect or demand that you perform to keep their affection. If someone’s love for you is contingent on performance, that’s not friendship—it’s manipulation.
When you buy into a performance-based acceptance model, what we might call a “yo-yo mentality,” you’ll find yourself forever strategizing, positioning, and recalibrating yourself to gain a “Most Approved By Others” status. You will never arrive. Here’s the gospel truth: God accepts you “just as you are,” not because of your efforts but because of His Son’s obedience. His works, not yours, are the basis of your acceptance. Once you stop striving and start resting in the work of Jesus, you can finally drop the agonizing and exhausting burden of people-pleasing. There is actual rest for the people of God, those who rest in the righteousness of Christ. Of course, this doesn’t mean you stop growing or obeying the Lord. It means you obey from a position of strength—God’s strength operating in and through you. His favor is already on your life if you are in Christ. Obedience becomes one of many acts of worship, not a means to gain His approval.
In the same way, real friends reflect God’s unconditional acceptance. They don’t love you because of what you offer; they love you because God has loved them. They’re not holding out affection until you meet their standards. They love you by choice, the way God chose to love His people. Biblical friendships are not maintained through trade or negotiation. We do not hold people hostage until they meet our demands. Instead, true friendships are sustained by God’s grace, extended from one forgiven sinner to another. When relational conflict does arise, grace doesn’t cease. Grace perseveres.
You can’t be comfortable with other people until you’re comfortable in Christ. Your first and only true comfort zone must be Christ Himself. The more deeply you are rooted in Him, the more you will be free from the need to manage others’ impressions of you. Many believers are still trapped under the influence of cultural standards, peer approval, or relational dynamics—be it with spouses, employers, church leaders, or family. Their insecurity is more than emotional; it’s theological. It reveals how they perceive God.
Men often equate worth with achievement, income, and social stature. Women are frequently tempted to derive value from physical appearance, public approval, or role-based success. The man or woman who is secure in Christ is able to walk into any room with peace, uninfluenced by image, wealth, or reputation. This attitude isn’t pride. It’s freedom. It’s not aloofness. It’s a quiet confidence that flows from knowing who you are because you know whose you are.
You cannot earn unwavering love through appearance, reputation, or performance. No behavior will win over everyone all the time, and there’s no human action that will satisfy God. You need an entirely different kind of favor and goodness, a righteousness that is alien, not inherent. The only way to become truly comfortable in your skin is to be wrapped in the righteousness of Christ.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
God is not asking for better behavior. He is offering perfect righteousness—freely given—through faith. It’s an acceptance that cannot be lost, revoked, or re-evaluated.
If you are in Christ, you are justified by His grace. This legal declaration happens in the courtroom of heaven: Not guilty is the decree. This state of being is your new identity. You are a free person. You need not attempt to justify yourself any longer. It was done for you at great cost. The wrath of God was satisfied in the crucifixion of Christ. This doctrinal point is what theologians call propitiation: God’s righteous anger turned away by the righteous offering of His Son. The Lord poured out His righteous punishment, and mercy triumphed. Righteousness was granted. Stop trying to behave your way into anyone’s acceptance. Just believe in the finished work of the Savior. At the cross, justice and mercy kissed. Righteousness became your gift, and approval became your reality. You now have the God-given right to be comfortable in your skin, not because of who you are, but because of what Christ has done.
Invite a trusted, gospel-centered friend into this process. Ask them to walk with you as you begin recognizing and releasing the people-pleasing patterns that bind your soul. Gospel freedom is not found in being less concerned with others; it’s found in being more captivated by Christ. The gospel offers you something better than praise, popularity, or performance—it offers rest. So, step into that rest. Let today be the day you begin to live as one fully accepted, fully loved, and completely secure—not because of what you’ve done, but because of what Jesus has done for you. That is where real comfort begins.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
