48 Case Studies 41: When Your Spear Stabs You

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Five years ago, Mable and Biff had a whirlwind dating relationship. They were impure, though they rationalized their behavior by marrying hastily. Friends expressed concerns but chose not to intervene, as the couple kept their distance from caring relationships.

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Over time, Mable’s criticalness and insecurity fed into Biff’s desire for respect and affirmation. Four years into their marriage, Biff began a flirtatious relationship with another woman that, within six months, turned into an adulterous relationship. Biff’s sins are numerous, and he is fully responsible for his choices. However, through their counseling, Biff admitted and repented of his sins. Today, he is actively walking out repentance, demonstrating humility and life change. Those familiar with his story are inspired by the steps he is taking.

Mable, on the other hand, is not repentant. Her anger, accusations, and divisiveness dominate their relationship. She insists that Biff’s adultery is all his fault and refuses to consider how her criticalness and insecurity contributed to the relational dynamic. Her craving for approval created a strain on the marriage, but she remains blind to how these issues have impacted them. No one condones Biff’s actions, but it is evident to those involved that the destruction of their marriage has been a shared journey.

Case Study Questions

1. With much detail, how would you counsel Mable?
2. With much detail, how would you counsel Biff?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).