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Life Over Coffee Devotions
So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin (James 4:17).
What were the practical things you did when you first won your spouse’s affections? Are you still doing them, or has the pace of life diverted your attention from your early marriage priorities? Reflect upon the giddy time in your relationship. Do you remember those carefree and silly days when it was just you two? Those days do not have to remain in your past. It was important to Lucia and me that we fight to keep the dating experience in our marriage experience. Because of God’s grace, we still enjoy giddy, silly, carefree, and fun times in our relationship; we are still buddies, always working not to let anything come between us, including our children, our work, our church, or our sin. But it was not always this way. We did lose focus in our marriage. The moorings of a stable marriage broke loose, and we drifted from the God-centered practicalities of our covenant. We needed a severe marital realignment.
Thankfully, God imposed Himself into our marriage. He did for us what we could not do for ourselves: He changed us (2 Timothy 2:24-25). It did not happen overnight; it was two challenging years, but we fell in love with each other all over again. Though the pace of our lives is at an all-time high due to our ministry and the age of our children, those things do not disrupt our marriage priorities. With God’s assistance, we fight to maintain today what we began while dating. Our goal is to behave like newlyweds until the Lord calls on death to separate us. That means we must continue to grab, touch, hold, hug, feel, and kiss each other like we did in the early days. But with a twist. In the beginning, we were young, somewhat silly, naive, and enjoyed intimacy because that is what young people do.
Today, our love is breathtakingly more mature. It’s maturity between two individuals who have seen the devastating effect of selfishness and who have asked for and received God’s forgiveness and restoration. If your marriage is declining, do not think another person will solve your problems. All another person will do is give you another ten or fifteen years to get back to the same place you are today. Hobbies or addictions are not the answer, either. Those things will lead you down a path of dissatisfaction to where nobody or nothing will be able to make you happy. Fortunately, the problem is closer to you and more within your control: it is in your heart.
Suppose you humbly confess whatever sins separate you from God and your spouse. In that case, the Lord will jump to your side to help restore your marriage (James 4:6). If sin keeps you from a romantically spiritual marriage, God has a solution and a desire to give you an incredible marriage restoration. I realize some spouses can be too hurt, too unforgiving, too stubborn, or too mean to make these changes. Spousal unwillingness does happen, and it makes things immeasurably hard for the willing spouse. My appeal is for you not to shortchange the grace of God by not trying to follow Him through the dark waters of an imperfect marriage. If not trusting Him by doing your thing has led to an unsatisfactory marriage, the best response you have is to make up your mind to follow Him now regardless of the cost, time involved, or disinterest of your spouse (Luke 14:28-33).
What is one thing you will do to change yourself, with the hope the Lord will use your obedient faith to improve your marriage?
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).