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The worst way to read this chapter is with the word “but” at the tip of your tongue. I’m speaking of excuse-making here. If your initial reaction to anything I say points first to your spouse, you could be beyond help. Jesus talked about log assessment before any speck considerations in Matthew 7:3-5. If you don’t do it His way, you won’t find the help you desire. Secondly, you have to read this chapter without mapping your experience over the situation. I realize none of us are purely objective. On our most objective days, our experiences will still influence us, detaching us from the richness and purity of God’s Word.
You must fight to be biblical and not elevate your experience above God’s Word. It may serve you well to share this chapter with a courageous friend who is not afraid to speak the truth to you. Finally, before you go further, ask the Spirit of God to help you with these two things.
Your goal is to be open, honest, vulnerable, and willing to change, no matter how hard it may seem initially. Broken marriages require triage; there is no other way. What I’m asking you to do is impossibly hard, which is why you need the Lord’s empowering favor and guidance.
The wife is analogous to the church in marriage. She has the opportunity to model the church practically to her husband. While it is true that the church reflects the Savior’s leading, loving, and sacrificing, it is also true that the church should humbly respond to His leadership. “But my husband does not lead!” This retort is a sad reality in too many marriages. In such cases, the wife still has an obligation and opportunity to demonstrate humility and love toward her husband (1 Peter 3:1-6; Ephesians 5:22, 23). She can love her husband in a similar gospel-centered manner in which the Lord loves her: when she is not responsive to or meritorious of His love (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:8-9). To love only the lovable is where the culture places the bar in a relationship. Christian spouses must do better than that.
If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same (Luke 6:32-33).
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.” What a beautiful picture. It’s a template for you to imitate. The prototype for what all relationships should look like in a marriage covenant. It’s the clearest and most profound picture for husbands and wives to emulate. The husband is the representative or a picture of Christ in the marriage. Analogously, he is Christ. Isn’t that helpful? Dear husband, have you ever wondered how you are going to behave in your marriage? Doesn’t a picture of Christ clear it up for you? You are a picture of Christ to your wife. All you have to do is imitate Him. What would Jesus do? Doesn’t that give a new meaning to the overused WWJD marketing cliche from the late twentieth century? Paul gets right to the point. In nine words, he gives you the most precise and comprehensive job description you need to be a rock star husband.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).
It is a challenge for many couples to model Christ (husband) or the church (wife) in their marriages because of their ongoing struggle with sin. They like the idea of what the imitation of Christ and His church could be in their marriage, but they struggle with the process that leads to that beautiful picture. Some couples do not carefully consider the respective fallen natures that they brought into the relationship. Perhaps the questions in this chapter will help both of you as you talk about your marriage. Discussing them could open the door for you to experience the Lord working in your relationship. God gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). Husband, humbly lead your wife through this chapter. Wife, will you humbly put on a respectful and loving picture of the church? May you both expect and experience new depths of the grace of God.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).