Ep. 175 When You’re Insecure around Certain People
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Shows Main Idea – People are not afraid of every person, but it is possible to be fearful around certain individuals. The insecure person is in a trap. Being vulnerable is hard, but the Bible has a solution that will release such a person from the prison of timidity.
Show Notes
I’m not talking about people who were sexually abused or types of physical harm. We all should be afraid of certain people and never go around them. I’m speaking of the “run-of-the-mill” kind of insecurity like shyness, stage fright, “fear of pastor syndrome,” and other forms of social connection where a person is in bondage.
A Few Synonyms
- Shyness
- Insecurity
- Peer Pressure
- Avoidance
- Fear Failure
- Wrongly Competitive
- Gossip
- Self-conscious
- Easily Embarrassed
- Codependency
- Confronts Publicly
- Need for Control
- Reactionary
- Over-sensitivity
- Handles Rejection Poorly
- Hard time saying, “No.”
Security Explored
I’m going to use the word insecurity because of its extensive use and universal understanding. And you would define it this way:
- Insecurity is placing your faith, hope, trust, belief, or confidence in something that can be taken away.
- Security is placing your faith, hope, trust, belief, or confidence in something that cannot be taken away.
The way you begin tackling this problem is by owning it rather than making excuses for why you are this way, e.g., he’s intimidating or God made me shy. Making excuses will keep you in bondage.
Two competing verses are vying for control of the insecure person’s soul:
- The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe. – Proverbs 29:25
- There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. – Romans 8:1
The most succinct way to think about this problem is to say, “There is only one opinion that matters and I’m going to submit to that one, which is God’s opinion of me.”
This concept could be a problem if you’re not secure about God’s opinion of you. E.g., adults who had awful experiences with their dads will struggle with how they relate to God the Father. Or, people who have never had good relationship models may struggle with their relationship with the Lord.
Diagnostic Questions
- Why do you struggle with shame, an “internal awkwardness of the soul,” or not comfortable in your skin?
- What forms of guilt attempts to captivate your mind, whether real or false guilt?
- Why is it crucial for you to be accepted or significant?
- Why are you compelled to be in control of your relationships? Or why is it hard for you to be vulnerable?
- What is it that you need from someone that is so important that you give them power over you?
All of these issues motivate a person to be strong, not weak, because they don’t want to be exposed, found out, or hurt again. They would rather live a self-reliant life that negates the power of God in their life.
Renew Your Mind
- You will not be able to work through this problem alone.
- It is a “mortification issue” more than it’s an amputation issue.
- You must be honest about who you are.
- It’s critical that you reveal the ways that you create a “representative” of your real self that you project to others, hoping they will accept you.
- If you adequately work through the first four things, you will be able to address the real culprits that have captivated your heart.
- The crucial issue for the insecure person is a deeply rooted theological problem: they have an issue with God. Rather than trusting Him, they choose to rely on themselves, their learned strategies and mirages to maintain control of their lives, so they do not find themselves in a place of vulnerability.
- The long-term effect of living this kind of “fake life” is what it will do to your conscience; after a while, you will start believing that what you’re doing is right. Your conscience will harden to your manipulative ways.
- There are only three potential conflicts that you have with the Lord. Or, to say it another way, three things will impede your faith, and you must spend time discerning how they impact you.
- Though it’s possible to struggle with the “residual effect” of the fear of others all your life, you can gain victory over it, and you will be equipped to mortify it each time it tries to capture your mind.
- If you’re interested in immersing yourself into a long-term homework assignment with a friend, here are some of the relevant articles that will aid you in this journey. It’s vital that you just don’t read them; you must immerse yourself in them until the concepts are mastering your soul.
Vital Resources
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Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
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