Ep. 307 Stop Using My Resources to Make a Person Conform

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Shows Main Idea – I received this email from a hurting wife who said, “My husband is abusive. He followed you and sent so many articles from you to me, showing how I needed to change. I know you don’t like the word abuse, so let’s call him a narcissist” (edited). I have several things to say in response to this hurting lady because her note is not the first time I have heard this from someone.

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Show Notes

You may want to read:

• How to Train a Flea, or How to Control Others
• What Happens to a Person Who Exchanges a Lie for the Truth
• I Met a Christian Who Refuses to Walk Away from His Sin

On Abuse – I never said I did not like abuse. I don’t particularly appreciate how some biblical counselors and others use the word in unbiblical and unhelpful ways.

The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him (Proverbs 18:17).

1. To the manipulator: may the Lord do what He needs to do to change you. Stop using our resources as a cudgel to manipulate others.
2. To the manipulated: there are some things for you to do.
   1. Understand gaslighting
   2. Have a friend to help you keep your mind on the truth
   3. Pray for the person doing this to you
   4. Guard against becoming a victim (vicarious)
   5. If he won’t listen to you, “out him” to others—those who can assist
   6. If he’s eisegetically using my resources, let me know and provide me permission to reach out to him
   7. Don’t compare where he is now (high and mighty) to where you are now
   8. Understand his future demise: anyone who walks in untruth will not end well

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).