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Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths (Genesis 3:7).
It is our collective ignorance and embarrassment with sex that motivate us to keep sexual communication tucked behind our Adamic fig leaves, which is precisely why biblical parents want to model and practice biblical sexuality in the home. Sexual communication (koinonia) begins early in a child’s life because sex is not just about the physical act. Our sexuality cannot be pared down to a weekend retreat with a child so the parent can explain the birds and bees to them. Sexuality is an unavoidable, communal, everyday, interactive lifestyle for all people.
Long before there is physical interplay between a man and a woman, there are non-negotiable elements of sex that children need to learn. For example, the physical act of sex should be characterized by the elements of gentleness and kindness. Being kind to another person is a choice that makes physical intimacy the way God intended. You can’t do sex right without being kind to the person you’re intimate with. Who wants to have sex with an unkind or ungentle person? A caring person will perform sex with the intent of exalting the name of Christ through other-centered love-making. Sexual love is not sexual abuse.
The sex of the unkind soul is death by a thousand paper cuts, destroying what physical intimacy should be. Biblical parents want their children to learn an other-centered way of life, which is why they want to model the life of Christ in their homes—at the very beginning of their children’s lives. A child’s view of sex and sexuality is primarily shaped by their personal observations and interactive experiences in the home. By the time a parent leads their child through the sex talk during the preteen years, the foundation of sexuality has already been laid and inculcated into the child’s mind.
Parents have the privilege to create a gospel-saturated sexuality worldview that will make the future sex talk with the child come across as something consistent with the child’s experience with the parent’s sexuality in the home. A healthy view of sex does not begin with the talk. It begins with how the parents communicate the practical Christ to their children long before their children know anything about sex. In this book, I teach you how to create that runway that leads to the inevitable sex talk. It’s a runway that looks like Christ and the church in all the fullness of what a marriage should be, including physical intimacy.
As you think about teaching your child physical intimacy, the best place to prepare is your heart and life. I trust these self-assessment questions will guide you in such a way that you can teach your child about sex by saying, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
