Marriage Day 18: Seven Things If Your Spouse Is Difficult
Photo: ©shironosov from Getty Images via Canva.com
Life Over Coffee Devotions
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all (Romans 12:17-18).
There is a good chance your spouse is not everything you hoped for in a marriage. Of course, neither are you. Imperfect people have a way of disappointing imperfect people. Perchance your spouse is difficult at times to live with, here are seven things for you to practically apply to yourself and your marriage.
- God Loves You: Loneliness in a difficult marriage keeps you alone. If you are not careful, you can begin to think the good Lord has left you, too. It is not true. God loves you, and your circumstances do not alter His love for you. Conditions can change you, but one of the Lord’s many attributes is His immutability: He never changes (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8).
- Your Spouse Is Caught: Paul would say something has caught your spouse (Galatians 6:1). Imagine if you were walking through the woods and found your spouse ensnared around the ankle by a bear trap. Your spouse is caught in sin and cannot extricate themself from it. Their caught-ness does not excuse the behavior or prohibit you from confronting it, but it does help you to understand there’s a greater issue in play (Galatians 6:1-2).
- You Are to Restore: Paul wants you to give serious thought to how you respond to your spouse. If you walked up on your spouse caught in a bear trap in the forest, how would you respond? Would you become angry because something caught your spouse, or would you try to gently restore them while keeping watch on your soul so you do not become tempted to sin?
- Find Some Help: Because of your spouse’s habituation to a pattern of challenges and your vulnerability to sin against them, you must reach out for help. Do not go through this alone. Regardless of your spouse’s desire to control you, find someone to walk with you through this process. Even the Bible’s call to submission does not prevent you from helping a caught person.
- Prepare for the Long Haul: I do not know if your spouse will ever change. I do know there are several situations in the Bible where the Lord allowed sin to continue in peoples’ lives. Paul’s thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7-10), the story of Joseph (Genesis 50:20), as well as the story of Pharaoh (Exodus 9:16; Romans 9:17) are three examples. The most profound illustration of God allowing sin for His greater purposes is when He crushed His Son on the cross (Isaiah 53:10).
- Pray Without Ceasing: Though I am not sure your spouse will change, there is no question the Lord is calling you to an other-world reliance on Him (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). You cannot fix your spouse (1 Corinthians 3:6). I know you know this, but I want to state it clearly, and you need to remind yourself of this truth over and over again. Your most compelling call to action is to pray (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
- Guard Your Heart: Guard your heart with all diligence because what flows out of it will determine the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23; Luke 6:45). Your marriage will be a temptation for you to sin because of the ongoing disappointment. How self-aware are you of your thoughts? Do you hear how you speak to others about your marriage? Do your close friends agree that you’re guarding your heart?
Time to Reflect
Your gratitude will affect your attitude. It is a quirky saying, but you will remember it, and if you apply the tagline to your life, it will begin to change you regardless of what happens to your spouse.
Practical Suggestion
If you are predisposed to journaling, write out your grateful thoughts each day and present them to the Lord. Paul had a habit of being grateful to mean-spirited individuals (1 Corinthians 1:4). Rehearse your list of things that make you grateful daily. Ensure your spouse is on your gratitude list, and as the Lord brings more things to be grateful for your spouse, add them to your list.
Need More Help?
- If you want to learn more from us, you may search this site for thousands of resources—articles, podcasts, videos, graphics, and more. Please spend time studying the ones that interest you. They are free.
- If you want to talk to us, we have private forums for those who support this ministry financially. Please consider supporting us here if you would like to help us keep our resources free.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).
0
