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Parenting Day 9: Give Your Child Fewer Rules And More Attitude

Parenting, Day 9 - Give Your Child Fewer Rules And More Attitude

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Life Over Coffee · Parenting Day 9 – Give Your Child Fewer Rules And More Attitude

Life Over Coffee Devotions

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks (Luke 6:45).

A right heart attitude will create the right behaviors, but knowing and obeying all the rules does not mean the heart is good or even agrees with the actions. From the inside out is the Bible’s way to parent children, not merely outward assessments. Though regulations will give you the desired behaviors you pray for when your kid is young, those rules cannot change your child’s heart.

Your primary parenting target is always your child’s heart if you have any hope of helping him live well in God’s world. Though God initiates all change through the instrumentation of His grace, you must cooperate with the Lord in parenting your children. You can do this if you give your kids fewer rules and more attitudes. When your child is older, he will choose the behaviors that will be part of his life. Those practices will come from his heart—the person he is at the core of his being. So, while he is under your roof, you want to help him mature in the right heart attitudes, which will shape those behaviors. Four of those heart attitudes are affection, honor, gentleness, and gratitude. Let me illustrate them for you.

  • Parent your child to have affection for Christ 
(Matthew 22:36-40).
  • Parent your child to honor you and his siblings 
(Romans 12:10).
  • Parent your child the value of a gentle spirit 
(Galatians 6:1-2).
  • Parent your child to be a grateful person 
(1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Galatians 5:22-23 provides more heart attitudes to use in your parenting. The fundamental idea is that if your child is learning the rules that Christians obey but is not maturing from the heart in things like affection for Jesus, respect for others, gentleness within relationships, and spontaneous gratitude, you must rethink how you’re parenting your child. A word of caution is that you want to ensure your training is not only dedicated to Bible instruction times. Though teaching is good, modeling is better. You can teach your child each morning at 7 AM—or whatever time best fits your schedule—but your most effective training is those pneumatic moments throughout your day as you keep in step with the Spirit of God, responding to what the Lord is writing into your life. Spontaneous life moments are the times that reveal the authentic heart.

Rules can be good because you can predetermine your responses, but life is not neat, controlled, and scripted. It would be best to be pneumatic because that is how life comes at you. You can be Spirit-led if the Spirit has previously shaped your heart. This kind of attitude is what you’re looking for in yourself, and it is what you want to model before your child.

Time to Parent

  1. The first thing to do is examine your last disappointment, especially a relational one. How did you respond? What did your disappointment reveal about your heart? Are there any changes you need to make?
  2. Take notice of this step. If your heart is not trained and managed by God, you will not be an effective teacher to your child. You must identify any sinful heart attitudes and change them. As you do this, you will position yourself to teach your child proper biblical attitudes.

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