Parenting Day 8: Dads Are the First Picture a Child Sees of a Father

Photo: ©EdvanKun from EnryKun via Canva.com

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things, there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23).

We were sitting at an intersection when our then 6-year-old daughter said, “Daddy, that Blues Clues paw print is orange.” This instance was the second time it happened with our children. Blues Clues was a once-popular kid’s program about a dog named Blue who would leave his paw print in different places during the show.

Each paw print sighting would reveal a clue. The viewers would solve the riddle once the TV host found all three of Blue’s paw prints. Blue’s paw print was, of course, blue. Our child knew of only blue pawprints, which is why she was baffled to find an orange one on the bumper of a car. The orange one represented Clemson University. She had no clue about Clemson University, so it confused her when she saw the orange paw print. Young children have only one reference point. In psychology, this is called mutual exclusivity.

Our child established her reference point by prior knowledge of a blue paw print that she had learned from a TV show. She also described the hair on my arms as fur rather than hair. Her previous experience with stuffed animals gave her that interpretation. Children cannot think outside their tight, immature box, which explains why our other child questioned me when I drove faster than fifty-five miles per hour. He remembered me saying the speed limit is fifty-five miles per hour. It did not dawn on him how there could be different speed limits or how it’s practically impossible to drive exactly fifty-five miles per hour.

As our children matured, they learned how to parse things more broadly. They did not continue to think in restrictive, undeviating, black-and-white parameters. Our daughter discovered many types, colors, and sizes of paw prints. Her tight singularity about Blues Clues was not always her restrictive reference point. But back then, that is how she saw life, which is how all children interpret life. One size does fit all for younger children. Applying this concept to the word father should be a sober call for any dad.

A young child cannot think about alternate possibilities when interpreting what a father is supposed to be. They believe in their isolated experience with their unique fathers. They can’t know what they can’t know, and if the child does not know anything different, they must work with what they have. For example, I’m an older father, compared to the statistics. Most parents with children my age are under fifty years old. I’m not. It is humorous as our children have realized I’m older than their friends’ parents.

From their perspective, all parents are over fifty. When they hear of other younger parents, they must recalibrate their thinking. Though they can readjust, some things require more recalibrating. One of those things is how they think about God the Father. I have counseled many adults still struggling with how they relate to God as a Father. This recalibration problem is almost always due to how they relate to their fathers. This father/child problem is significant and can be spiritually crippling. Though our former six-year-old did overcome the complexity and diversity of paw prints, it is much harder to overcome dads who provide a dysfunctional picture of what a father should be.

Time to Parent

1. An excellent template for what God is like is Galatians 5:22-23. Dad, will you take each of those nine elements and assess how well you imagine God the Father to your children?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).