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Everybody lives according to what they believe, and no two individuals think the same way about everything. My worldview aligns with the truths of God’s Word. But I would be an idiot to expect every person to believe as I do. And the person who does not believe as I do does not have to hate me.
I do not adhere to the “gay logic” that says there is only their view and they will not stop until I believe as they do. It’s a fallacious, illogical breakdown that is not tenable anywhere. For example, I believe that drunkenness, porn, anger, and gossip are sins. Using “gay logic,” any person could twist scripture to justify their practices while admonishing anyone who is against them.
This argument is circular and will never lead to reconciliation. We will always hate each other because if the only right option is to be okay with what you do, no matter what that is, we’re in a hopeless place. I say that homosexuality is a sin; you say it’s not. If we can’t agree to disagree and love each other, there is nothing left to do but fight to the bitter end.
At the heart of this problem is whether Christians condone sin—any sin. I’m no more willing to condone homosexuality as I am eager to tolerate my list of offenses against God. I cannot under any circumstances comply with any belief that the Bible condemns, no matter how much my opponents try to prop up their arguments.
People who do not agree with historical Christian beliefs on morality will not make much headway with mainstream Christianity. Typically, those who disagree with Christian ethics take political action so they can legislate their worldview. Our opponents have done well in the political arena.
For example, they had won over the American Psychiatric Association when the DSM-4 revised its prior understanding of the gay lifestyle. Homosexuality used to be called deviant behavior. The new “deviant” practice is the person who is against the gay lifestyle. The label for their made-up disorder is homophobic. According to science, I’m a sick person.
This kind of political, evangelistic advancement has done a lot in our country to bring the gay community into a better light. The politicizing of their behavior has softened people’s perspective on what used to be explicit biblical prohibition. I wrote about this transition in my article, It’s “Okay” to be Gay, and You Need to Know Why.
There are three main drumbeats that some gay folks consistently sound as part of their evangelistic outreach to change the culture. These positions do not represent the totality of their belief system, but they are core shaping influences that motivate them to gain acceptance from and power over others. I will list them here and then interact with all three.
Jesus gave us our most significant marching orders in Matthew 22:36-40. We call these the two great commandments, which are to love God and love others more than ourselves. To take the “love others” as always agreeing with others is a befuddling argument. The logic is so off-the-skids that it feels odd even to respond.
Yes, Jesus said we are to love God with our whole heart and to love others too. If I pulled those verses out of the Bible and made them a mantra with no other scriptures lying beside them, I would have to accept everyone, regardless of how they lived.
This worldview means Jerry Sandusky is not wrong for exploiting people with his gay practices—we should accept him and judge not. It means the abusive pastor is right, too. It means there is no end to this logic because we must embrace the mantra, “to each his own.”
The folks who flew planes into the World Trade Center could make the same argument. Nothing matters. This worldview is a complete embracing of relativism, a core tenet of the global community. Relativism is accepting the predominant views, practices, and ethics of the culture, no matter what those beliefs and practices are.
I want my gay friends to know that I am not angry with them and have no desire for harm to come to them. I love them so much that I want to speak the truth to them. I want them to repent of their sin and bring their behavior and lives under the obedience of Christ. I want to live that way, too; my hope for them is no different from my concern for myself.
The problem with the “love everyone mantra” is that they are arguing over the wrong scriptures. They are making it a love vs. hate argument. If it were a love argument, the most loving thing I could do when a person is sinning is to love them back to Christ (Romans 2:4). Anytime you see a person making the wrong decision, and do not do all that you should do, it’s not love at all.
Their perspective is not only twisting the Scriptures to suit their desires, but it is intellectual dishonesty. Many people have made this error: “I want to justify what I believe, so I find a Bible verse that I can pull out of its context to support my agenda.”
There is no humility or grace in that kind of anti-intellectual posturing. For example, if Lucia confronted me about a choice that did not align with Scripture, the temptation would be to justify or rationalize why I chose to do what I did. I don’t know anyone who had not done this when their desires ran headlong into the clear teaching of God’s Word.
In my case, when I hold to an unbiblical position, I am defiant, mean-spirited, and accusative. I’m unwilling to hear the Lord’s Word regarding my sinful choices. And the most loving thing my wife could do is help bring me back to God.
Part of a rationalizing person’s “love-centric theology” stems from a few wrongheaded and harsh presentations of the “love of Christ” from a branch of the Christian community who are more like the “scold sect” that we see from the politically-motivated bullies on social media.
The gay community has experienced legitimate hurt from a few mean-spirited Christians, who were more sin-centered than gospel-centered. This complaint is not news to me. Some Christians have a view of holiness that may not align with God’s Word, and anyone who does not meet the criteria of their “holy club” receives their scorn.
I live in the “fundamentalist center of the Christian world.” I have observed firsthand the nastiness of some religious people toward other believers (and non-believers) who do not hold to their tightly-wound opinions and arguments. There is no grace or mercy for the sinner who does not adapt to their views.
Mean-spirited people who have an ax to grind will beget mean-spirited people who have an ax to grind. I wish I could tell you another story, but we do have a problem within our ranks. This specific issue is an “us problem” and not a “you problem.” When my gay friends talk about our harshness, it’s not the time for me to argue with them as though it’s not true.
My gay friends could not be clearer. A few immature people have legitimately hurt a few of those who are not in our camp. Some of these people are Christians, and they struggle with being gay. Imagine that a Christian struggling with sin.
My gay friends have shared about the hypocrisy of Christian people because of their horrific experiences with a few uncharitable ones. These few Christians became the shaping influence on how some in the gay community think about all Christians.
When you map your experience with a few bad apples over how you think about all apples, you will always come to the wrong conclusions. I would never say that the gay perspective about harsh Christianity is inaccurate because I have experienced the unkindness of those who are my brothers and sisters.
But the more significant issue is when you start acting like them. It’s similar to the child who chooses rebellion and anger because of his experience with a harsh, unkind, authoritarian father. The child becomes a version of his father, either by imitating or reacting to him.
I’m not saying that every angry gay person became that way because of how a few Christians treated them, but that is part of the problem. Some of us have not done well in engaging those who are different from us in civil discourse.
Even as I type these words, there is a deep sadness in my soul about these things. I am sad because my legalistic friends have displayed graceless, self-righteous attitudes, and I’m sad because this has been a shaping influence on a few of my gay friends.
Nevertheless, past sins by religious colleagues should not have controlling power over how you think and behave. I have shared at length how the murderers of my two brothers were permitted to walk without punishment. I’m acutely familiar with injustice and unfairness.
I’m not that person with the perfect life. The dirtiness of this world washed up on my front porch. The perpetrators of their deaths, the legal community, and the religious crowd were complicit in their ignorance, arrogance, and shameful responses to the deaths of my brothers.
Even so, I’m not entitled to be like them by retaliating similarly. The Bible does not permit me to be unkind, harsh, or use hate speech toward these people. If the two great commandments have any governing authority over my life, these two instances are some of those moments.
I do not condone what those murderers did. I do not accept the response of the legal community to let them go without due payment. I do not appreciate how some of my Christian brothers and sisters responded after their deaths. But God is calling me to a different response.
If the grace of God has any merit or potency, it’s in those times when it must empower me to be different, to be like Christ. I don’t have to like what they did, but I can love them in such a way that perhaps the Lord will do a redemptive work in their lives.
This perspective is what you will hardly hear from the gay community when they talk about how the Christians are against them. Their logic says, “You must accept me, or I will let you have it.” Ironically, their harshness is the very thing they are accusing the bad Christians of doing.
The angry believers and the angry gays have an “evil commonality” at their cores. While I don’t condone mean-spirited Christians, I also don’t condone gay people who have a hostile attitude toward Christians. If the gay community does not like how a few unkind believers treat them, then being like them is not a mature response.
The gay community should be trying to help arrogant Christians to mature in the grace that we trumpet, rather than being frustrated with the immature people who don’t accept them. Fighting angry fire with angry fire will do nothing but stir up an enormous firestorm. The context of the two great commandments is to love those who don’t like you, not be like them.
Their third argument follows a similar line of reasoning: if you don’t like us, you don’t like anyone different from you. For example, gays will say that Christians are racists: we don’t like black people. This argument is surreal. Of course, they have their reasons for presenting the argument.
For example, there was a time when Bob Jones University did not accept black people into their school, which is shamefully true. The way the gay logic distorts the argument is by conflating two different things: being gay is sin and being black is sin, and Christians hate both groups.
They are equating the Christian’s racial bigotry as the same as rejecting gays. True Christianity does not believe in racism or that being black is a sin. Being black is a gift from God. Being gay is not a gift but one of the many manifestations of sin because of the fall of Adam.
Just because Bob Jones University ignorantly and arrogantly sinned against the black community, you can’t bring your sinful lifestyle of choice up under BJU’s evil, misguided umbrella and say that you’re the same as the black person. You’re not. This attempt to vindicate themselves is a biblically illogical, false dichotomy. But if they believe they are the same as the black person, they can easily conclude that Christians have an ax to grind against the gays and blacks for the same reason.
We should praise God that Bob Jones University has repented of their sins against the black community. But to say they should embrace the gay community similarly is taking advantage of a situation for selfish reasons, which would distort clear biblical teaching.
Instructively, part of the black community is making a similar error by propping up this ungodly notion of reparations. They say that some white people had sinned against them, and they are correct if they are talking about what happened 150 years ago and before. But to suggest that we are still guilty and should pay for something that we did not do, nor condone, is illogical.
To my gay friends! Some of you have been wonderfully kind in your disagreement with me. Some have noted that I do not come across as mean-spirited. I praise God for you. I do not dislike any gay person.
But after we move from civil cordiality, our discussion and beliefs go in opposite directions. I would not expect anything else as I’m sure you wouldn’t expect anything different from me. You don’t agree with my position, and I don’t agree with yours. Okay, let’s move forward civilly.
I hope this article will serve you. It would be great if you jumped on our forums to ask us questions. I want you to know that I care for you deeply. The perspective that I am sharing with you is how I think about my sins, too. We are a redemptive community, not a hateful one.
Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.
In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).