The Reason I Dated a Lesbian Was to Share Christ

Photo: ©Katerina Holmes from Pexels via Canva.com

When I was a single man during the 90s, I worked a third-shift, dead-end job at a glue factory. There were about thirty employees, three of whom were practicing lesbians. I was grateful to have the job, but it was a difficult place to work for many reasons. Two of them had no interest in me, but one did, so I asked her out on several dates. She accepted.

You may want to read:

• How to Make Sense of Today’s Sexually Confused Culture
• I Had Breakfast with a Prostitute
• Responding to the Gay Guy Who Said, “I Was Born This Way”

My Lesbian Workmates

One of the lesbians was my enemy, not because she was a lesbian, but because she was an angry woman who seemingly hated everyone. Her name was Charlie. She was former military, and there was no question in my mind that she could beat me up, though I was pretty fit during this season of my life. Another of the lesbians was under the management of a lot of medication, primarily incoherent and hyper-insecure. I felt sorry for both of these ladies for different reasons.

The third lesbian was social, easy to like, and fun to engage with in conversation. We talked about all sorts of things. Dead-end production jobs are mind-bending bores, so your workmates can make all the difference in the world. Then throw in the tension of working in a primarily unregenerate environment makes “friend picking” problematic. Of course, we have Christ, and He’s our advantage: we’re operating from a position of strength; we can befriend anyone for the gospel’s sake.

I immediately struck up a relationship with Laurie, hoping the Lord would create an opportunity to share Christ with her. God was merciful; we hit it off and enjoyed being with each other. She was curious about my religion, and I was curious about her life and lifestyle, particularly her lesbianism. It was one of those rare moments where I had unlimited time with a lesbian, at least while at work. After a few weeks, I mustered up the courage to ask her on a date. She said, “Yes.” Praise God. We dated three or four times—on a picnic, played basketball, and ate at Pizza Hut and Ruby Tuesdays.

The Way of Death

We not only got along nicely, but there was no temptation to sin sexually with her since we both liked girls. I was grateful to God for this mercy. I intrigued her, and she most definitely intrigued me. My ultimate goal was to understand her. I wanted to figure out what was happening inside her head while giving her a better perspective on life and religion. Her only understanding of Christians is that they hated her. Of course, there is the “religion is a crutch” mantra, too.

I could not accomplish what I wanted with her while working on the production line because we needed undistracted downtime to chat. And there was the glue to make, but the Lord was merciful with that too. On one of our last dates, she told me her life story. It was not a surprise to learn that she had been molested multiple times by her uncle, which is not always the story of people who choose a gay lifestyle, but her story was not unusual either.

The abuse began around her eighth birthday and continued into her teenage years. She was in an unsafe place with no help to work through the turmoil in her soul and the physical trauma that her uncle foisted on her. He destroyed any hope of her having a proper interpretive filter for processing life, relationships, and God. With no place to go for help and no rescue in sight, she reached out for the safest relationships she could find. With no theology to guide her, she found solace with empathetic females who were safe, kind, non-condemning, and willing to show her the way.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death (Proverbs 14:12).

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John 14:6).

The Call to Christ

On our last date at Ruby Tuesdays, I presented the gospel to her (John 3:7). It took lots of napkins to sketch it all out. We spent two hours walking through the complexity of sin, the choices we make, and why there is a Savior. She cried. I cried, too. She was as open as anyone I had ever spoken to about the gospel. But she was more caught (Galatians 6:1) than most people I talk to about Christ. After we finished, she decided, at least for that time, to choose her sin over Christ. I understood.

The Lord was too much of a risk, more than she wanted to take. It was “safer” to dance with the devil you know than to take a chance with God. I’m like that too. We prefer security over freedom, and when push comes to shove, and the choices are clear, most times, we will grasp for security, even if it means losing our freedoms. Laurie rejected the freedom that could have been hers in Christ.

I have often thought about my lesbian friend. She was a pretty blue-eyed blond who was as twisted in sin as I was before the exploding power of the gospel began its transformative work in me (Romans 1:16). My hope and prayer have been for the seed that she understood that day at Ruby Tuesdays to take root in her heart and for her to walk away from all her sin, not just the one that gave her safety from the abuse of her uncle, but the ultimate sin that is the struggle for all of us: unbelief in God.

Call to Action

1. What are your thoughts about my story? Will you share it with a friend, appealing for a delightful and reflective conversation?
2. Is there someone (or people group) you disdain so much that you refrain from sharing Christ with them? (Think about Jonah’s attitude toward the Ninevites.)
3. Who is one person you can talk to today about Christ? What is your plan for speaking with them?
4. When you meet a person, what is your process for figuring out how to present Christ to them? Do you see every person as a puzzle where you cooperate with God in figuring out how to share Christ?

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Rick Thomas

Rick launched the Life Over Coffee global training network in 2008 to bring hope and help for you and others by creating resources that spark conversations for transformation. His primary responsibilities are resource creation and leadership development, which he does through speaking, writing, podcasting, and educating.

In 1990 he earned a BA in Theology and, in 1991, a BS in Education. In 1993, he received his ordination into Christian ministry, and in 2000 he graduated with an MA in Counseling from The Master’s University. In 2006 he was recognized as a Fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC).